Dreamlover 2 It was an alien feeling...having this unattached piece of a lost puzzle in my hand, and not having anything else around me to fit it into. My entire first period that morning, I was completely absorbed by the concept of my dreams being beyond my control. I fought hard to remember every last lingering detail of my interaction with Caleb Jordan, and tried to think of some logical way to explain how I could have just created him out of thin air like that. But all I could come up with was more evidence to support the idea that I couldn't have done it on my own. All I could remember was the completely self created scene of my dream, and how much Caleb didn't seem to be a part of it at all. How he was so separate from all of my other thoughts, all of my other fantasies, all of my other experiences. And that's where things got creepy.
I saw his face in that yearbook. I saw it...clear as day. And the same name printed under his picture. There was no doubt in my mind that it was him from my dream. That was the boy. And I'm sure that we didn't just randomly 'cross paths' somewhere at an earlier time either. Certainly not in a way that would cause my subconscious mind to just casually dig him up ten years later. So what, exactly, is going on here? You don't just dream about someone you don't know for days in a row without it meaning something. I've just gotta find out what that meaning is.
Throughout my first period class, I took notes on everything that happened since Caleb first appeared to me in the dream. The somewhat undecipherable conversations, the time we spent together, games we played...and the kiss. That miraculous kiss. I made sure to write down everything, even if it was out of order, and the more I wrote, the more I remembered. By the end of class, I had almost a page and a half worth of details. By the end of my second period, I had even more. I had to show this to Chucky. Maybe now he'll believe me.
"Dude...you've gotta be kidding me." They were the first words out of Chucky's mouth when I went to see him before third period. He looked at my notes and listened to me tell him the story, and then he just gave me a raised eyebrow. "All of this happened in the last two days? Are you sure you're not just embellishing on some of this stuff. I mean, come on. I've done my homework on dream walking, and nothing I've read covers anything even remotely similar to what you're telling me here. Not even online."
"Chucky...please. You've got to listen to me. Stop with the books and the photocopied worksheets for a second and hear me out. I KNOW that there is something 'wrong' with all of this. Nothing about it is natural, or scientific, or documented in any high school library book. This is REAL! I'm not fucking around here."
"Donnie, this might all make for some great sci-fi, but there is absolutely no evidence to support the idea that you're being haunted by a long-dead teenager."
"April showed me the yearbook this morning, and I'm telling you...it was him!"
"He died in '96, dude. That's, like, more than half your life ago."
"I KNOW that! And that's what worries me! What if..." I stopped myself for a moment, wondering how ridiculous it was going to sound once the words left my mouth. "...What if...what if I found him? In my dreams."
Chucky stared up at me for a moment, pushing his glasses up on his nose as April and the others came into the room. "Hey, 'freakshow'? How goes the midnight ballet with the stars?" Baxter asked with a smile, not knowing how intense our mood had gotten only seconds before.
Jeff could see from the look on my face that something was bothering me. I couldn't quite tell if April had told the others about this morning or not, but if she had she ust have put one hell of an effort in keeping them from teasing me about it. I just...didn't have a way to make them SEE it! I didn't have anything concrete to show them. The best I could do would be to convince them that I was going completely crazy, and have them 'say' they believe just to calm me down. All in all...I was completely alone in all this.
"I'm going to class. I'll see you guys later, k?" I said, leaving my notes with Chucky and grabing my stuff to head back out into the hallway. Everyone else seemed a bit confused, but April decided that she was going to be the one designated to come after me.
"Donnie? Donnie, wait..." She trotted a bit faster to catch up to me. She took a gentle hold of my arm and reached into her bag. "Sighhh...I SO shouldn't be doing this right now." I gave her a confused look, and she pulled out a red folder. "I made color copies of everything that I could find on Caleb Jordan so you could take it home with you. It wasn't much, but it's something."
"Shit, April, THANK you!" I said, reaching for it. But she quickly yanked it back out of my reach.
"I'm ONLY giving you this so you can get this 'weirdness' out of your system and move on already. NOT so you can use it to enhance your crazy talk. Got it?"
"I got it, I got it. Just give it to me." She did so reluctantly, but I gave her a kiss on the cheek anyway. "I just wanna see what I can find out, ok? That's all."
She seemed so hesitant. So concerned. "Whatever. Just...take care of yourself, ok?"
"I will. Promise." I grinned, and I walked away with her keeping a worried eye on me. Some info is better than nothing! Maybe I can figure out who he is.
I rushed to my next class and sat down in my seat, opening the folder as soon as it hit the desk top. April was right, it wasn't much. A few yearbook photos, a memorial page, and his name was listed as being a part of the school's baseball team...but he wasn't pictured with the rest of the team at all. I tried to find something that told me something about him, an article, an extracurricular activity, anything. But he seemed to be very...'hidden' in this place. Always in the background, never out front. Even the few pics there were of him seemed to have been taken by mistake. Like he would have avoided them all together if only he was fast enough to get out of the camera's way. Then I saw his class picture...and that smile gave me such a chill. It was so spooky to actually 'see' it somewhere besides my mind's eye. It gave my whole dream this level of authenticity and realism. It made it come to life in full and vibrant color. But, all that stuff aside...I was still left without an idea as to what ultimately happened to him. These pages weren't enough. I needed more.
I wandered through the rest of my day, basically sleepwalking through every class. Not remembering half of it, not understanding the other half. I thought back to Caleb's outburst in the dream. The wind, the warping scenery, the thunder, the rain of blood. How could you just 'let' me die? That's what he said. 'Let' me die. What does it mean? Ugh...should I even be going any deeper into this? Maybe April and Chucky are right. Maybe I just need some regular old fashioned sleep. I'll try to get in touch with Caleb ONE more time, and if it turns out to just be some crazy one-time nightmare...I'll leave it alone. I'll stop searching for him, and I'll just keep it as a spooky little Halloween tale to tell kids in the future. But...if I find him, and this turns out to be much more than some delusional fantasy...then I have no idea where I should go from there. Hopefully some sort of sane option will present itself when the time comes.
The final bell rang that day, releasing us out into the streets for the weekend. The whole crew met up in the halls and walked out the back door. Everything was normal for the rest of them, but for me...I was too lost in my thoughts to really play along as well as I usually did. At one point, April took a hold of my hand and gave it a firm squeeze. Our eyes met, and it was basically just a silent moment for her to tell me how much she cared. It wasn't a concern, it was more of a comfort.
"Ahhh SHIT!!! What the FUCK?!?!" Baxter shouted in frustration, making the rest of us jump.
"What is it?" Jeff asked.
"Goddamn PIGEONS! That's what!" He said, and we saw a big splotch of bird shit on his back window. "Look at it! That's friggin' SICK, man! I've gotta start bringing a tarp to school. Seriously."
"Jesus, Bax. It's not THAT bad. That stuff 'does' come off, you know?" I told him, but he wasn't having it.
"Screw you, Donnie. When you get a car, you can treat it however you want to. This is my ride, man! Shit!" He threw his backpack in the front seat, and popped the trunk to get out a rag and some windex to clean it off right away.
We looked at each other briefly, smiling at the obsessive nature of his scrubbing, and April and I eased past him to climb into the back seat. April mentioned, "You know, they have car washes for that kinda thing." But Baxter only grunted in response.
"Hey, Jeff, help me out man. Scrub a little bit on your side of the window." He asked.
"Dude...I'm not touching bird shit."
"You don't HAVE to touch the bird shit, I'm giving you a rag."
"I'm not touching a 'rag' that touched bird shit either."
The two of them went back and forth for a bit while April and I talked softly inside the car. She looked over at me, and I had to remind her, "I told you, I'm ok. Seriously. Please don't worry about me, alright? I was just a little freaked out, that's all. It's not like I had a nervous breakdown."
"Nobody has a nervous breakdown all at once, Donnie."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
She paused for a moment, and said, "Do you remember...a few years ago? You know...when I had my accident?" As though any of us could ever forget. She rolled back her sleeves, and showed me the faded scars on her wrists. They seemed so harmless now when you looked at them. But I remember when she was first released from the hospital. When they were 'fresh'. I remember how painful, how open, how deep they were. It was a sight I'll never forget, stitches and all. "These aren't decorations, Donnie. They're a reminder. Every day, I look at these scars, and I'm reminded of how the bad feelings just seemed to slip in a little bit at the time. A comment here, a bad dream there, a couple of school girl crushes, and a few bad grades. By the time it gets to the point of slicing yourself open...you've collected so much harmful shit that you don't even remember where it all started from."
"Geez, April, I'm NOT gonna let it get that bad..."
"Oh really? Funny. I can remember telling myself the same thing." I looked away from her for a moment, and she knew that I was almost at the point of trying to tune her out. "I just...I remember feeling like I was alone. And no matter how crazy you think it sounds to be chasing a ghost in your dreams...you're not alone either. K?" I turned back to her and nodded. "I made you a promise back then, if I felt things going south...I'm supposed to call you and talk it out. I want you to make me the same promise."
"Deal." I said, and leaned over to rest my shoulder on hers.
A few seconds later, the car door opened and Jeff plopped down inside. "Bax is a total psycho, you know that?"
Bax climbed in next, "Great. Now the back window is cleaner than the front window. I'm gonna have to spend all day tomorrow trying to even this shit out again." Yes...I agree. Baxter is quite the psycho.
He drove me home first, and dropped me off, April giving me a quick kiss before letting me leave the back seat. Jeff rolled down his window as I was walking up to the front door. "Hey Donnie! Give me a ring tomorrow morning. We'll hang out this weekend. I've got something that might take your mind off of ghouls and ghosts for a while."
"That's gonna be quite an amazing feat during the Halloween season." I called back.
"Trust me on this one. It's a guaranteed cure for what ails ya."
Bax tapped Jeff on the shoulder. "Is it porn?"
Jeff rolled his eyes. "Bax, even if it was porn, it would be gay porn." He answered, causing Bax to flinch.
"Eww, count me out."
"I'll give you a ring as soon as I get up, cool?" I said, and Jeff nodded, rolling up his window.
But not before Bax shouted, "Hey! Sweet dreams, Romeo!" And the car pulled away from the curb to take the others home. Thank God it's Friday.
Did I relax that evening? No. Not at all. Even when my parents came home and we sat down to dinner...my mind was wrapping itself around Caleb and the dreams. It was like this instant obsession that I couldn't get rid of. I did a bit of homework, I did a bit of laundry, but most of my time that night was spent online. I searched for Caleb Jordan's name everywhere that I could find it. Most of the links brought me right back to the same high school pictures and vague references that I had found before. Except for this one guestbook signature. I guess it was made to some other boy's personal website the year that he died. I gave it a look, and it seemed pretty plain and average. Nothing special. It said:
"Hey Brett! It's me, Caleb! I finally found your website, and I decided to sign your guestbook. Um...now that I'm here, I don't really know what to say. But I love your site, and...um...yeah. So...I'll talk to you soon, ok? Call me! -Caleb"
I looked through the website some, but it was extremely basic. I guess there wasn't a whole lot you could really do with a website all the way back in 1996, at least not anything like the stuff that you can do with them now. He was cute though. An athlete on the track team, letter jacket, adorable smile, big blue eyes and long brown hair. Hehehe, just looking at him, I could tell that Caleb must have at least noticed him once or twice. Hell, I would have gone searching for his website too if he was in my class. I was hoping to find some mention of Caleb somewhere on the site. As a friend, or a classmate, or as...well..something. But he was nowhere to be found, except for the guestbook. Another dead end.
I must have spent two or three hours in my room trying to find some useful info on him, and was almost ready to give it up for the night. Until one short article in a local newspaper popped up.
Local Teen Found Dead In Suburban Home - At the age of fourteen, a young male was found dead in his home, allegedly a victim of suicide. Caleb Jordan, a promising young student at West Hill High School....
The blurb stopped there, with a link that said 'Read More' next to it. I instantly sat up and clicked feverishly on the link again and again, but found that it didn't work. I suppose it was 'old news'. But they HAD to archive this story SOMEWHERE! I kept searching through the links, every news article, every television report, I even checked through old obituaries to see if I could find out more. But everything came to a dead stop whenever it came to talking about what happened to him. One thing about quiet little suburbs, they couldn't have something as negative as teen suicide on their permanent record. They'd hush it up and hide it away, trying to make everyne forget as soon as possible. Just so they can keep the mortgages in the neighborhood high and their image as a community crystal clear so people will continue paying them those high luxury prices. Everyone seems to have done their homework when it came to making him disappear. But I'm sure that something will slip through the cracks somewhere eventually.
It might have been the misery in my back, or the hopelessness of my search...or maybe it's just the fact that I had to get up early for school this morning, and after a full day, I came home to stare at a computer screen for hours on end...but my eyes began to droop. I was drowsy, fatigued, my attention span getting shorter and shorter by the minute. I had yawned so many times in a row that my jaw actually began to hurt. Still, I tried to scroll through page after page of useless garbage. Merely to find a glimpse of his name every now and then, and have it direct me back to his yearbook memorial page again. As the minutes ticked by, I found myself falling asleep at my desk, and finally gave into it. I wrote my findings down in my notebook and kept a record of where I left off. Then I shut the computer down, undressed, and got into bed. I doubt that I was conscious for more than a minute or two when my head hit the pillow. I'll just....'yawn'....I'll just see what I can find out....in the morning...
I can remeber my first feelings of disorientation when I supposedly 'woke up' in my bed. There was a strong wind coming in through my window, blowing my curtains in until they were almost sticking straight out from the rod. As I looked over the side of my bed, I saw that I was almost ten feet high off of the floor. My mind had given in to the usual dream logic for a moment, simply accepting what it sees as the truth. But as my concentration took over, I sudenly started to become aware of certain things that didn't make sense. I didn't recognize the sheets on the bed, my clock had gone haywire, the numbers shifting and morphing into lines of undetailed gibberish. I sat up in the bed, and looked over to find a large 'lump' in the bed next to me. And it was breathing.
I was a bit scared at first. It was a shocking thing to see all of the sudden. I watched the rise and fall of the body beside me, with the covers over its head, and then got the courage to reach a hand over to touch it. It was warm. Soft. Alive. I slowly let my fingers wander up to the top of the covers to pull it down and see who it was. But as soon as I peeled back the covers, the lump in the comforter melted away, and the bed was empty. No trace of the sleeping body remained. I swiftly jumped down out of the bed, falling ten feet to the floor and looking up at the empty mattress. This is wrong. This is all wrong.
I walked out of my room, and began to search the house. I went from room to room, my parents room, the living room, the kitchen, the basement...nothing. "Caleb? Caleb, are you in here?" I called out. There was no answer. Everything was dead silent. Even my footsteps were soundless. "Caleb? Caleb Jordan?" I went to the front door, and opened it slowly...seeing a bright and beautiful sunshine day, just like always. The trees swayed with a gentle breeze, and the grass felt good beneath my bare feet. The street curved in strange ways, and seemed to go on forever, disappearing into the fog in the distance. It was my neighborhood alright, although it never looked the same way twice. I'm surprised that I was even able to recognize it from dream to dream. I don't know how I found any familiarity between this world and reality, but I did. No matter how absurd the details were, this place always felt strangely like home.
I called out again, "Caleb? Are you out there? Where are you?" I stretched out my hearing for as far as it could go, but heard nothing. Was he upset with me? Did he leave? I concentrated on rising up slowly from the ground, and with a bit of a clumsy jerk, I found myself levitating up off of the sidewalk. I made sure to take it easy this time, my body tilting and swaying while I tried to remain in an upright position. This flying thing is NOT as easy as it looks on tv. When I reached a height that could easily see as much of the neighborhood as there was to see...I slowly turned around in a circle. Scanning everything for a glimpse of him. Just a glimpse. "Caleb? Come on out." I called out in this loud boom of a voice that seemed to echo throughout the entire dream world, hoping that he would hear me. But there was still no answer. I raised my hands up in front of me, and with a simple thought, I 'pushed' that grayish fog as far back as the eye could see in all directions. And there was absolutely nothing to see. Nothing to hear either. He was nowhere to be found.
Disappointed, I lowered myself back down to the ground. I made sure to check the tree to see if he was sitting up there, playing a friendly game of hide and seek or something. But the tree was empty. So I sat down on the front step in front of my house, and just waited. Maybe he was...you know...late or something.
I waited, and waited, and waited. It seemed like an eternity had passed, and there was nothing to do but sit there and think about where he could be. I don't know. Maybe Chucky was right. I've been making this whole thing up in my head all along. It just felt so REAL, you know? There was, like...this connection between us and...
Sighhh...I really am going nuts, aren't I? I should stop this. I think that some of that 'free dreaming' stuff April talked about is needed right about now. I don't 'feel' crazy, but there's no reason to tempt the gods, right?
At that moment, something dropped down right in front of me, and splattered down on the concrete between my feet. A big splotch of bird shit. I looked up at the sky to see a purple pigeon flying overhead and vanishing over the roof of the house across the street. The mess it made was in the exact same shape as it was on the back window of Baxter's car. I have to admit, it made me giggle a bit. Geez, the weird little things your subconscious picks up in the course of a day.
I woke up on Saturday morning feeling somewhat refreshed from a long night's sleep. Better than I had been feeling for the last three or four days anyway. I never did catch any hints that Caleb had come back, and while that was a frustrating issue at first, I was almost glad that nothing happened. It was liberating to think that maybe I was just being freaky and this whole event was over and done with. I certainly look forward to not having it rest so heavy on my shoulders anymore.
I got up and made sure to call Jeff like I promised. It was so good to hear his voice at such a cheerful pitch. "So are you gonna come over, or what? What are we doing?"
"Yeah, I'm coming. Just...give me a second to wake up fully, and I'll hop on a bus."
"Still tired, huh? Long night?" He grinned. "You didn't have any more dreams about 'you know who', did you?"
"Um...actually, no. I got nothing."
"Sweet! So you're cured."
I hesitated for a second, then told him, "Yeah. I guess I am. Whatever, it was just weird, you know?"
"I'll bet. Now get your ass over here and hang out. I've been up for an hour and a half and I'm already getting bored!"
"Hehehe, I'm on my way."
I grabbed the folder that April gave me and made sure to take it with me. Looking at that picture...it made me smile. Those bright green eyes and soft blond hair...hehehe, he really was a cutie. If I had to dream about somebody, it would be him. I'll take it with me. Jeff will love it.
I made the short trek over to his house and was welcomed warmly at the door. Let's just see what kind of 'cheering up' Jeff was planning to do for me. As I sat on his couch in front of the TV, he brought out a small DVD box and displayed the picture proudly for me. "Jesse McCartney: Up Close And Personal? Hehehe!" I grinned, and Jeff smiled back at me as he put it in the DVD player.
"Consider this an early birthday prsent, my friend."
"Dude, my birthday is, like, in APRIL."
"Exactly. So don't be surprised when I don't get you anything." He sat down next to me and turned it on with the remote.
"Hehehe, are we seriously gonna watch this right now?" I asked.
"A few pieces of it, yes."
"This is your big plan to get my mind off of my problems?"
"You get to see Jesse's boner in the 'She's No You' video. I figured it might have some positive effects on your psyche." He smirked.
"Psh! Har har...whatever, dude."
"I'm serious!"
"Dude, please. They are NOT gonna show a teenage boy's boner on MTV, much less the Disney Channel." But Jeff skipped right to the black and white video, and sure enough, somewhere near the beginning of the first chours, he walks toward the screen...and there was a rather 'obvious' bulge in the front of his pants. "Whoah...wait wait wait...PAUSE it! What is that? That's not a boner! That's....something else, right?" Jeff shook his head, rewinding it. "Wait...what IS that?"
"Hehehe, you know what that is."
"No way! Is that....wait...shut up! Omigod!" I sat straight up, and both of us started giggling uncontrollably. "Dude! No fucking WAY! Zoom in on it!" He did, and while I tried to double and triple check to make sure that it wasn't just some fold in his pants or something...I think they were ACTUALLY showing his erection for a second! "I can't fucking believe what I'm seeing! That's TOTALLY a hard on!"
Jeff zoomed in as close as it would go, and there was no mistaking it. A nice sized erection displayed proudly for the whole world to see. We couldn't sit still, and we started to playfully shove each other back and forth as we found ourselves giddy at the idea of seeing something so...dreamy. "Oh man, is that not the most delicious thing you've ever seen?" Jeff swooned, as we went back and forth with cat calls and whistles.
"He's HOT! I wanna lick the screen!"
"Anytime, baby! Anytime!"
"Yeah, to hell with those girls! She's no ME, cutie pie!"
"Hey baby...?" I started, and we both shouted simultaneously, "...Do you need some 'HELP' with that???" Which caused us to collapse in a fit of laughter. You know...he was right...this did help to take my mind off of things. If only for a little while.
"Dude, I'm SO looking into making this picture my screensaver." He smiled.
We calmed down a bit in a few minutes, and I looked over at Jeff to tell him what was in my heart at that moment. "Hey, Jeff...thanks dude. Seriously. I was....stressing myself out something awful, you know? This is cool." I told him.
He threw his arm over my shoulder and gave me a quick brotherly hug before pushing me back to my side of the couch. "See? All it took was a hot celebrity's stiffy to make you feel better. That's good to know."
"Sighhh...we really need boyfriends, you know that?"
"Yeah, I know." He sighed. "I'm so horny I'm almost ready to start hitting on YOU just to get some attention."
"Psh! Please...I am so out of your league." He gave me a wicked look of playful shock for a moment, and then kicked me with his sock foot. "Hahaha, I'm KIDDING! Jesus! Besides, you can't date your best friends. There's like...emotional 'laws' against it."
"Hehehe...yeah..." Jeff said, and his voice kinda trailed off a bit as he looked back towards the screen. A sign that was usually an indication that he was hiding something. I could see the faintest blush in his cheeks, and I had to know what was up with that.
"Ok, spill it."
"Spill what?" He bit his bottom lip and giggle a bit. I shoved him a bit and gave him a look that let him know that he wasn't weaseling out of it. He rolled his eyes and said, "Listen, if you breathe a WORD of this to ANYBODY...I swear to God..."
"Ooooh, this must be good!"
"I'm serious, Donnie!" He said, and I raised my right hand to let him know that I promised not to tell. "It's just...ok...let me ask you something. And be honest, ok?" He paused for a second and then asked me, "Do you...I mean, do you ever think about...Baxter?"
I was confused. "Do I ever think about Baxter doing what?"
"You know..." Jeff's eyes widened a bit to give me a hint.
I gave him the most natural reaction that I could, "EEEEEWWWWWW! NO! Dude! What are you TALKING about???"
"Hahaha! Shut up! No really, come on!" Jeff tried to hold onto my shoulder to keep me from cringing. "Be honest, just between us!"
"Believe me, this is honest as it gets."
"You're telling me that you don't think Bax is just a LITTLE bit cute?"
"Ugh!" I giggled, but Jeff kept pressing me, and I admitted it. "Geez...he's...he's kinda cute, sure. But he's...he's Bax! I couldn't do it. No way."
"I could." Jeff blushed. "I'm NOT saying I'm in love or anything! I just...I 'notice', you know? He's blond, and he's athletic, and...if you keep him from talking you can almost picture him as a real sweetheart. Hehehe!" I gave him a weird look, and he sat back. "What? I just...I think that...SOMETIMES....he can be....kinda, sorta...cute, that's all."
I smiled while he squirmed a bit in front of my accusing eyes. "How long has this been going on?"
"There's nothing 'going on'. I just let my mind wander from time to time."
"How long?" I asked again.
"I dunno....a couple of months." He grinned. "He drives me CRAZY, don't get me wrong! But...I don't know...I kinda like that."
I giggled to myself. "And you have the nerve to worry about 'my' sanity."
"Sighh...I don't know why I tell you guys these things. It's JUST a thought! That's all. Forget about it."
"Trust me, I'm trying to."
"I bet you you'd dig it if he came on to you though."
"Yeah, I can see it now. 'Hey, fuck face! Do you want me shove this teen beef in your pie hole or your brown eye? Your choice tonight!' Yeah, I'm sure he'd be a real romantic."
"Laugh all you want, but the next time you see him, I bet you'll be thinking about it." Jeff smiled. And we left it alone before we ended up getting too deep into the concept. I love Bax to death as a friend. Any flaws that he had were more entertaining than offensive, and he honestly had a heart of gold, even though it could be a little rough around the edges. But as far as being a 'persuit' of mine? Nah...totally undatable.
We were quiet for a bit to watch the video, and then...I found myself snickering quietly as a funny thought popped into my head. "What?" Jeff asked.
"Dude...hehehe...I could totally see Bax doing you on the hood of his car!" I could barely get it out without cracking up, and I got a well deserved punch in the shoulder for that one.
Jeff and I spent the afternoon together, and it felt like I was getting back to normal by the time I left. He flipped over Caleb's picture, just as I thought he would. He thinks he's hot as hell. Then again...Jeff and I think 90 percent of the male population of Earth is hot as hell when we're horny enough. I got up and walked to the door after a few hours of laughs, and he asked me, "So, what's up with you asking Austin to this party? Are you gonna do it, or what?"
"I'm thinking about it. Give me some time."
"You don't HAVE a lot of time, dude! Cory's party is this coming weekend! So put a rush on that thought process and make it happen."
"Why do you care so much?"
"Because I want him to sit between us in the back seat of Bax's car so I can feel him up on the way there. Why else?"
"You need help." I said as I walked out of his house.
"I need SEX! That's what I need."
"Later, pervert!" I called back, and started on my way home. The party, I had almost forgotten. Shit...I've still gotta get my shit together for this one.
I spent most of my remaining Saturday afternoon rummaging through my stuff to see if I could come up with a decent costume still. Cory's parties were always a pretty big event, so it was necessary to go in and come out looking like a total rockstar. I did buy a few scraps that would allow me to go as a pirate, which would be fine for the party....but lame if I was going to the party with Austin. You know? I don't know...I just wanted to find something cool that he would like. Something that complimented him. He's going as a vampire...sooo....what has hot passionate sex with vampires? Um...other vampires, I guess? No, I can't go as the same thing. That would suck. I wanna find something that seems kinda compatible, but not an obvious attempt to....
Ah fuck it, I'll just find something weird that won't smear if I end up kissing him on the lips. Hehehe, wow, that would be cool. After weeks of falling for a complete stranger, I find it hard to believe that I'm actually thinking about asking him out. Am I crazy or what? I know....nothing ventured, nothing gained. But this stuff can be scary when you're in the sexual minority. You know, this is all Jeff's damn fault for making me do this! If I don't ask him now, he's never gonna let me live it down. Ugh...homosexual peer pressure bites.
That night, I remember looking through my closet for more accessories for my costume. I must have been digging for a long time, because there were heaps of clothes and old toys as high as five feet off of my bedroom floor. That was...odd. Not to mention that I don't remember my closet being this big. I turned around to look back at my room, and saw Jeff, April, and Baxter, sitting on my bed watching me. But for some reason, Bax had his shirt off, and him and Jeff were making out like crazy. April snapped a picture of it, and smiled at me as the two boys leaned back on the bed to get hot and heavy with one another. Wait a minute. This...this is wrong. This doesn't make sense. Am I dreaming this?
The room seemed pretty normal as always, but when I searched for my alarm clock, it was missing. I looked all around my room and it was nowhere to be found. Finally, with a bit of concentration, I caused it to appear on the desk next to the bed. And just as I suspected, the numbers were going all weird on me. This wasn't real. None of it. Geez, I don't even remember falling asleep. I remember...I had eaten dinner, and I came upstairs...I vaguely remember sitting back on my bed to take notes and look over Caleb's info...and then? And then....? Shit...I must have dozed off. I've been so exhausted lately.
Nobody was saying anything, but the sound of Jeff and Baxter making out was clearly taking over the dream. Hehehe, I just stood back and watched for a few moments in amazement. It really looked like them. God, it was such a freaky thing to witness first hand. I almost didn't wanna look at it. But that sickening sound of lipsmacking would have just flooded the room and filled my imagination with the same sights I was trying to avoid. They were really going at it. Damn you, Jeff! Why did you have to put THIS in my head?
The weird thing is, now that I kinda get a chance to look at him...Baxter really wasn't half bad. Maybe it's just my subconsious mind that's making his chest and stomach look so fit and smooth. Maybe it's the dream that makes his shoulders look so broad, or his ass look so tight, or is making that feathery mop of bright blond hair on Baxter's head look so...dare I say, sexy? I never in a million years would have thought about Bax in this way before. But then again, I never really saw him kiss anybody before. I never really saw him be even remotely sexual with someone else, much less another guy. And now that my mind had been opened to the concept, I can't deny that he is actually pretty damn cute. I'm thinking that Jeff put some kinda hypnotic curse on me, and when I wake up, Bax is gonna go back to being the same old lovable asshole that I'm used to. But for now...it's kinda hot to watch him tangle tongues with another boy like that.
I looked up, and noticed that the ceiling had vanished. There was nothing above me but a clear blue sky. I lifted my arm up slowly, and gently stirred the clouds up with the tip of my index finger. It was almost like mixing paint, and it felt warm to the touch. Wow...this is cool. I walked over to the wall, and touched it, feeling the surface wrinkle up under my palm like paper. I crumpled it up, and pulled it away to get a fresh view of my neighbor's house next door. I litterally ripped a hole in the wall, and when I let the ball of paper go, it floated out of the hole and up into the clouds like a hellium balloon. Sighhh....I know that Chucky and April told me that I should be free dreaming a lot more before I go completely crazy, but this is just too surreal to not enjoy it! I never get tired of this stuff! Just ONE more night of fun...just ONE more...and then I'll stop. I'll stop for a whole week. I swear.
I saw a huge flash from the side of me, and April had taken my picture. She smiled warmly at me, but her movements were so artificial. Kinda like a mannequin made of clay. "I'll save this one for the yearbook. The yearbook. Yearbook." She said quietly. You know,when you actually pay attention to the characters in your dreams, more often than not, they can come off as being kinda creepy. They walk this weird line between being real and being artificial, everything you know about them balanced against everything you think you know. It can be unsettling if you focus on it for too long. I looked back over at Baxter ad Jeff, and smiled as I reminded myself that all bets were off when I was here, in my own little dreamworld. I wonder...I wonder if maybe I could just see what it's like. You know...to kiss Baxter. Hehehe, I blushed just from THINKING it! But...this is my world, right? My rules? There's no harm in maybe...sampling a kiss from one of my best friends. Besides, how many chances am I really gonna get to do this, huh? "Don't you go getting goofy on me." The dream version of April told me.
"Hehehe, I won't." I grinned.
"What happened to the free dreaming, Donnie? You're supposed to free dream." She reminded me.
"I will. Later. Just not right now."
She put her hands on her hips as I slowly approached the bed. "Please, Donnie...don't encourage him. Baxter is screwed up enough as it is." It was weird, but everything that April said to me seemed to be pieced together from conversations that we had already had long before now. It was her, but it wasn't her at the same time. Hard to explain.
I walked over, and I think that I actually felt myself tremble as I reached my hand down and touched Baxter's leg. Hehehe, God, this is so wild! What am I DOING??? The moment I touched him, April and Jeff seemed to disappear, as did the rest of Baxter's clothes. Omigod, he was NAKED on my bed! Even in a dream, my first instinct was to shyly turn away from him...only peeking back to see him still lying there. He was leaning back on his elbows, legs spread wide, with a nice piece of meat dangling there for me to feast on. It took me a few seconds to actually get myself to stare at him without feeling sheepish about it. He had that classic 'Baxter' smirk on his face, and he was staring at me. Damn...he looked good. What the hell, right? It's not like Bax is ever gonna know. I sure as hell don't plan on telling him. So just...GO for it, right?
"H-h-hey...Bax..." I said nervously.
"Hey, dickwad." He grinned. He leaned back all the way on my bed, and spread his legs even wider, taking a hold of himself and lightly stroking it for me. "Sweet dreams, Romeo."
Ok...this is a dream. All of it is just a dream. No need to ask permission or warm him up to the idea, I can just do it. So...have yourself some fun. Our secret. Hehehe, geez, he's....cute! Really cute! Fuck, I can't believe I'm actually enjoying this! I hope I can forget about all this tomorrow!
I slowly sat down on the bed next to him, and after a few seconds of hesitation, I reached out a shakey hand to lightly slide over the muscles in the soft part of his stomach. I swear that I could actually feel it. I could feel the light ripples of his subtle sixpack underneath my fingers, and I let my hand move up to feel his erect nipples tickle the center of my palm. I could feel myself getting so hard, feel my breath getting heavy, it was all so real. I could smell his aroma. That scent that was uniquely 'Baxter' since the seventh grade, and it flooded my dream image from memory alone. I had to look down to make sure that this was still just a fantasy and not the real thing. Damn...Jeff definitely had a point. Bax was a certified hottie. At least, in here he was.
My hand gained some confidence, and made a soft 'S-curve' motion down to his soft pubic hairs, and then further down to grip the hardness in front of me. I wrapped my hand around it, and my fingertips were warmed by the sensual heat of it. I figured that I had better make the best of this before I wake up from the excitement and ruin it all. So I gave him one last look before leaning over and taking him into my mouth. How can this be so amazing? How can this feel so authentic? I don't know, but it was like I could actually feel the length of his hardness sliding back and forth over the surface of my sucking tongue and lips. I could taste his flavor, and it made my heart race like never before. I 'willed' my clothes to disappear, as I spread out on the bed and got comfortable. At first, my only concentration was on wrapping my lips around Bax's hard on and milking him for all I was worth. But then I realized that he wasn't really moving or anything. I imagined him moaning a bit, and he did. I tried to make him pump up and down into my mouth...and he obeyed, instantly. His hips began making a slow circular motion, lifting his hips off of the bed, and pushing himself deeper and deeper into me. Jesus....this was HOT! Ok....what next? Um...I want Bax to touch me. No...I want him to suck me too. Yeah...I want him to....
No sooner had I imagined it, before I could even complete my train of thought, I felt this warm wetness engulf me from the head of the bed, and a hand grip my ass gently as Baxter returned the favor. It made me suck harder, and harder...my pulse racing. It was the most intense sensation that I have ever felt before. I was literally out of control. We sucked each other, and Baxter moaned everytime I wanted him to. Pushed everytime I wanted him to. Licked my balls everytime I wanted him to. It was heaven. Pure heaven.
Then, something changed. I thought, for a moment, that I had heard the far away rumble of thunder in the bright clouds above us. I stopped sucking for a moment to look up through the ceiling, and didn't see any storm clouds or anything. So I shrugged my shoulders and went back to licking up and down Bax's long hard erection. I soon spun around to see him face to face, his steel blue eyes piercing right through me, and I kissed him deeply on the lips. God, his lips were soft! What have I been depriving myself of for all these years! I rolled over, pulling him on top of me, and grabbed two handfulls of his tight, ripe ass...pulling him into me as he began to hump and grind on me at an erotic pace. He whimpered above me, and our lips connected again, a passionate urgency in our embrace. And then....another rumble of thunder. This time, it was a bit closer than before. And louder.
I opened my eyes, looking over Baxter's broad athletic shoulders as he pushed his hardness against mine, lightly forcing the air out of me in tiny sighs and yelps. It felt soooo good. I didn't wanna ever let go. I kissed his neck as he wrapped his arms tight around me. My legs locked around his, and we were as close as two bodies could possibly be without merging into one entity. And it was at that moment, just as I felt my orgasm building up to an Earth shattering climax, that I noticed a very dark storm rolling in overhead. I watched as small strikes of lightning shot back and forth inside the swirling dark grey mass of clouds, and the thunder caused the walls to vibrate gently around us. But I was so close. Sooooo close. Until finally, my eyes rolled back, and I held on to Bax with both arms and legs as I felt myself bubbling over into an orgasm that beat all others. Oh God...hump me harder, Bax....hump me harder....mmmmmm....
*GASP*!!!
I woke up just as the first few squirts began to fill my boxer shorts in bed. There was no stopping it, nothing I could do. I rolled over onto my stomach quick to try to 'cut off' the flow, but having my hardness pressed against the mattress only made things worse. I reached down quickly with my hand to see if I could squeeze it tight enough to prevent an even bigger mess...but it was too late. By the time I had reached into my underwear, I was already reeling from the last remaining shivers of my unexpected explosion. My boxers had been thoroughly 'slimed' from the inside, and my late night rendezvous with Baxter was officially over. Shit...I should have known this dream sex thing was going to have some sloppy side effects. Looks like I need a shower.
When Monday morning had rolled around again, I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed that I was starting to get this darker shade of skin underneath my eyes. It wasn't extremely visible yet, but it was more visable than before. I don't get it. I've been sleeping pretty regularly. It's not like I've become some insomniac or anything, if anything, I've been sleeping even more than usual these days. I'm seriously losing it.
I went into the kitchen and poured myself a healthy bowl of cold cereal, setting it on the table. I was running a little behind, and remembered that I'd better get my English paper off of my desk upstairs before I forgot it. That's all I need is to have old man Lipton start in on me this early in the week. I looked next to it, and took notice of the folder April had given me. All that searching and weirdness surrounding Caleb Jordan...what the hell was that all about? Whatever. I haven't seen him since that night of that weird 'dream storm', and I was really starting to think that it was all just some sick nightmare that I had once or twice and would never think of again once I got it out of my head. Ghosts...psh! I should just toss this folder in the trash and forget it ever happened. If nothing else, my friends will stop looking at me like the town screwball.
"Hey Donnie! Open up, bitch! I'm hungry!" I heard Baxter shouting up towards my window as always, but I reacted a bit different to it this time. I have to admit, the sound of his voice made me squirm a little inside. I didn't think that last dream would really mean anything once it was overwith. But now that I was actually going to physically 'see' him again, I was a bit nervous about what I was gonna feel when he was close to me again. I made my way downstairs and opened the door to let them all shuffle their way in. April gave me a friendly peck on the cheek, Jeff ruffled my already chaotic looking hair, and then...came Bax. "It's about time, slow poke." He smiled. He had been walking through that door the same way for years now, but for some reason this morning I felt myself blushing furiously from the event. "Hey, does your mom still keep those Pop Tarts on top of the fridge?" He asked, searching for something to munch on before school. Jeff looked pretty worn out, laying his head down on his arms on the table next to him.
"Didn't get enough sleep last night?" I asked, and he responded by lazily nodding his head.
"To be honest, I kept waking up every ten minutes. It was annoying." He yawned for a second, and said, "You know, you've been talking about your dream boy so much that even I'm starting to dream about him now. I think you drilled him into my subconscious or something." HE was one to talk!
"They're not up there dude." Bax was still frantically checking the fridge.
"I think there's more in the pantry over there." April replied, knowing my kitchen better than I do.
"Ahhh, got 'em! Score!"
My eyes bashfully wandered over his body as he plugged in the toaster and took the wrappers off of the Pop Tarts. It wasn't just the dream making him so hot, was it? I mean...he really was cute. His blond hair, his cute face, his blue eyes, his slim and trim physique...and his ass? Wow...even in a pair of baggy jeans, his ass was amazing. All I could think about was his kiss, and the feel of his hardness in my hand...in my mouth....and him on top of me...my hands on his soft squeezable ass....
"AHEM! Are you even listening to me?" April said with a grin. It snapped me out of my fantasy instantly, but failed to fill me in on the last few seconds of conversation.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I said that I'm gonna find out whether or not they're gonna use my pics for the yearbook today. Not only that, but I might get the chance to enter some of my other stuff into the art fair next month. I'm so psyched about it!"
"Sweet! That's awesome, April. Congrats." I smiled, and heard Baxter's toaster go off so he could eat. I found myself secretely peeking back over at him as he sat up on the kitchen counter. His legs were spread, and he leand back against the cabinets behind him. His first bite left this awesome design of crumbs on his soft pink lips...and he just...sighhh...what the hell am I doing? Just dreaming about having sex with somebody cute doesn't mean that you're supposed to get...'emotionally attached', right? I mean, that's just ridiculous. Bax is like my brother, it's silly to have some instant infatuation with him all of the sudden. My hormones are so out of whack right now. I had to shake myself loose from staring at him and get back to talking to April. "So...which pics did you submit?"
"Don't worry, Donnie. I made sure that my best friends in the whole world got an advantaged opportunity to be immortalized in the lost pages of the West Hill High School yearbook." She grinned. "Besides, you guys are the only ones I know well enough to let me photograph them willingly. Some of the other ones turned out kinda blurry."
I glanced back over at Bax again. I like the way he chews. He has a cute chew. I never noticed that before. Just then, he looked up, and caught me ogling him. "What?" He asked.
"Huh? What? Nothing." I said, turning away from him.
"Well, quit peeking at me then, weirdo."
"Psh! Yeah right. Like...I've got much better things to do than 'peek' at your sorry ass." I lied.
I glanced up at Jeff, and as a tiny smirk appeared on his face, I wondered if he knew. Dammit, I bet you he knows what I'm thinking. Jeff always knows what I'm thinking. I rolled my eyes and tried to play it off as though it were nothing, but I think he noticed the shade of rose in my cheeks.
"Hey...is this him?" Baxter asked, looking at the folder that I had put on the counter with my English report. Funny...I don't remember bringing it down here. "This is the guy you've been dreaming about?"
"Um...yeah. Well, no. Not any more, I mean."
"He's a freshman? Hehehe, cradle robber." Bax grinned, looking through the pictures. "Did you mentally rape him yet, or are you going for a big dreamy romance this time?"
I snatched the folder back from him and put it in my backpack. "Neither! It's just a dream."
"If you say so, 'spanky'." He smiled at me, and it was...it was almost like the smile he had in the dream before I...touched him, you know? I felt this weird giggly sensation rush through me, and I backed away from him. "Come on, let's get out of here. I gotta get gas before we get to school." He tapped Jeff on the shoulder and said, "Wake up, cupcake. We're out of here."
I was GLAD to get up from that table and pile into Bax's car. The less time I had to stare at him, the better. Even though I did take a few other peeks at him in the rearview mirror on the way there. After catching me staring once or twice, Bax finally asked me, "Dude! What is WITH you today? You're being weird this morning, even for you."
"Just drive, will ya?" I answered, holding back a deep blush. Jeff looked back at me, and his smile got even wider. My natural reaction was to silently give him the finger. It's not like I could help myself. I have this completely random emotion wrapping itself around me, and it's connected to this gorgeous guy in the front seat, based on the passionate memory of a special moment between us that didn't even happen. Ugh, my brain is so confused right now!
By the time we had gotten out of the car, I had worked out a way to force myself to stop looking at him every fifteen seconds and thinking about that mindblowing sex....that we didn't have. But it was mostly a mix of focusing on April the whole time and looking down at my shoes everytime I got the urge to stare at his round tight ass in those pants. Is this feeling even real? Or is it just some stupid reaction to a subconscious suggestion? Or...maybe it's just an awakening to something I had always noticed before, but wouldn't let myself indulge in. Geez, there is definitely a hidden pervert inside of of us all.
"Alright, I've gotta get to class in a hurry. I'll see you guys later, alright?" I said as we came to the point where we'd be splitting up for the day. "Hey April, good luck on the photos, hon."
"Thanks, Donnie. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I need this!" She replied, and we all went to our first periods.
The beginning of the day had gone by pretty regularly. Nothing special. I think a part of me was just happy to be melting back into my life again after a few days of relentless panic and silly persuits. It felt good to actually let it all go. You know, Chucky was dead on when he was talking about this dream stuff. It really has an incredible effect on you, you know? I just gotta get myself some good old fashioned sleep for a change and stop trying to analyze everything. I don't even wanna KNOW what I dream about while I'm out of it. I just want to have a complete and total blackout for a few hours and not think about anything. Nobody wants to be thinking twenty four hours a day like this. I'm starting to think that that's the whole reason for being unconscious for eight hours a night to begin with.
I know that Chucky has a special double period lab on Mondays, so going to see him would be a waste today. But I always make sure to walk the same halls anyway. Just to see....'him'.
"Hey, Donnie." Austin said to me as we crossed paths again. God, there was something so alluring about his smile. Every word that he spoke to you just sounded like fine poetry. Does he know how damn fine he is? He's gotta know, right? He's probably rubbing it in my face. Like, 'Look what you'll never get, loser'. Damn...what am I about to do? What am I even thinking right now?
It crossed my mind, and I wondered if I actually had the guts to do it. But...if I didn't do it now, I'd just find reasons to not do it later. And the longer I wait, the harder it's gonna be, right? Shit...I TOTALLY hate myself for doing this....but.....here goes.
I turned around in the hallway, and followed Austin to his locker as he opened it up. I could feel my heartbeat pumping so hard that my chest was shaking, and suddenly, my hands felt like they were twenty times their normal size. I tried to put them somewhere where it would look cool and 'casual'...but they just awkwardly flopped about like seal flippers as I tried to get up the nerve to speak. "Um....hey, Austin...?" I said breathlessly.
He peeked around his locker, his light blue eyes turning me into a stuttering idiot instantly. "Hey..." He smiled.
"Um....you know....my friend, Baxter, has a car...so..." I nodded, and wondered if that made ANY fucking sense to him at all! Did that come out right? In my mental plan, I think I had like 100 more sentences planned to explain that statement. But I was too scared to give him the whole speech, so I just skipped to the end. Shit, I probably could have given him a little bit more info though. He wrinkled up his forhead a bit, and I forced myself to keep talking. GOD, was it hard! The talking, I mean! "Well...I figured...since my friends and I were going to Cory's party on Friday...and you wanted to go to Cory's party on Friday...that...um..." I got lost with my train of thought, and simply repeated, "My friend, Baxter, has a car." Did that come out any better than last time? God, I hope so!
"Oh...you mean, come with you guys to the party?" He asked. Omigod! He looked so fucking CUTE when he said that! I nearly collapsed when I heard the words come out of those kissable lips. I had to take a mental picture of that moment for later.
"Uhhh...yeah..." I whimpered.
"Sure! That sounds cool. Thanks. When should we meet up?" His blond curls were gorgeous, his eyes were mesmerizing....I could hardly contain myself.
"Um...er...how about seven o'clock? Is that ok?"
"Sounds great. I'll be sure to get dressed up before then." He smiled. "Thanks Donnie. It would have sucked if I had to ride my bike there with my costume on. I'll see you then?"
"Yeah....I'll see ya then. Sure. Friday. Hehehe! Cool." I grinned, and hurried to walk away from him before I literally exploded into a burst of pretty gay sparkles! I was walking forward, trying to keep from smiling until my cheeks burst, when I ran right into Jeff at the end of the hall.
"Dude, I TOTALLY saw you!" He said with a playful grin and a bit of shock.
"Hehehe, saw me what?" I giggled.
"Dude! You just fucking asked Austin to come to the party with us! Didn't you?" He beamed.
"Maaaaaybe. Hehehe, so?" I couldn't stop smiling! And Jeff was making it worse.
"Holy shit, Donnie! You are, like, my hero from now on. Seriously." With that said, he walked all the way to my next period with me. Asking how I did it, what I said, what HE said in response! Hehehe, to be honest, I hardly remembered what I told him. I was too nervous to even record the event to memory. All I know is...the part where he said 'yes'.....that was my favorite.
At some point during the next class, still giddy over the feelings inside, I just let my mind drift off to thoughts of what it would be like to actually connect lips with such a hottie this coming weekend. It kept me completely preoccupied, believe me. I imagined that his cushioned puckered up kiss would be unbelieveably soft. It nearly made my eyes roll back just thinking about it. However, while I was sitting there doodling in my notebook instead of taking notes...I can remember a moment where I felt...'strange'. I wasn't really sleepy, but I couldn't really focus either. It was like this...'pull', you know? This gravitational yank on my conscious that just kept me from paying attention. Not just because of Austin. Instead, it was this random haze of untrained thought that swept in and seemed to cloud my eyes with this surreal feeling of 'escape'. I didn't understand it. Everybody daydreams from time to time, but this was different. This almost felt like it was being forced on me. I straightened up in my seat, and took a deep breath, widening my eyes so that I could concentrate. I couldn't really afford to have my mind wandering off in here.
"Alright ladies and gentlemen, books off of your desk. We're having a pop quiz." Our teacher told us, resulting in the appropiate groans and grumbles of a class that really didn't want to hear that. "Oh boo hoo, quit your complaining. It's an open note quiz. So if you took proper notes on the lesson, you should do just fine." Great. The open note quiz. The last acceptable line of betrayal between teacher and student. Keep the lectures boring and then give us a test on the stuff we practically slept through so our teacher can say, 'See? You should've been listening.' Sighhh...legal torture is what it is.
I took everything except for my half empty notebook off of my desk, and he handed out the quiz sheets. Three whole pages. Shit, my average is certainly going to slip a little from this one. The room got quiet, and I looked down at the paper in front of me, hoping that I'd at least be able to bullshit my way through some of the answers. Teachers give you credit when they think it was just a matter of you 'explaining' it the wrong way instead of not knowing what the hell you're talking about. But, that 'pull' was still there. Still strong. Getting stronger, in fact. Until...I heard a drip coming from the corner of the classroom. It was very...slow, and steady, and pretty quiet. But I could definitely hear it. I looked over towards the empty corner...and I noticed that...there was a small puddle on the ceiling. Naturally, I focused on it for a moment or two, trying to figure out what that was. And then I heard another drip. But it didn't come from the ceiling...it came from the floor. I looked down, leaning over to the side in my desk, and sure enough, a small droplet of water stretched out of the tiling in the floor, released itself, and then floated upwards until it hit the puddle on the ceiling, causing small ripples from the impact.
"Donnie?" I heard my teacher say, and I looked over in his direction. "The quiz has to be finished by the end of the period. More work, less daydreaming, ok?" He said.
"But I..." I looked at the corner again, and the drip was gone. "...Nevermind." I looked back down at my paper, trying even harder to concentrate on what I was doing. A few minutes went by, and I was ignoring every possible distraction that I could, when all of the sudden, something pulled my pencil out of my hand. I watched as it dropped up towards the ceiling, and stayed there. What the hell is going on here??? I looked back down, and noticed that everyone else in the classroom was gone. It was completely empty except for me. This isn't hapening. Is it? It can't be. I'm awake. I KNOW that I'm awake!
"Hi!" Came a voice from beside me all of the sudden, and I jumped in horror as I saw someone sitting next to me.
"C-Caleb?" I couldn't believe that I was actually seeing him again. His bright green eyes shimmeringalong with his smile. I thought...I thought I was done with this madness.
"I missed you." He grinned, reaching out to hug me.
"What...what's going on?"
His eyes lowered for a moment, but then he returned to his charming smile. "Look, I'm sorry about...you know...running away like that. I was just being stupid. I shouldn't have done that. I should have stayed right here with you instead." I felt my chair mysteriously slide closer to him, and he leaned in to give me a kiss.
"Donnie!" I was yanked out of the dream, and quickly looked back over to my teacher. "Are you going to take this quiz seriously, or are you going to spend the rest of this period staring off into space? Because honestly, you can do that out in the hall."
The room was back to normal. I couldn't tell if this was real or if it was all a dream. Or if it was just...'part' of a dream. Or...if it was all dream with a part of it being real. "Sorry." I said, and really sat up and leaned forward to give my blank quiz maximum attention. But even then I felt the pull towards something 'outside' of this place. The more I tried to fight it, the harder it worked to dig its claws into me. Until at one point, my words on the page of the test began to move and warp on their own. Right before my very eyes, I saw my pencil strokes turn into scribbles and start spinning around the page with a cartoonish high pitched laugh. I let go of the pencil as the scribbles reached out of the page and grabbed a hold of it, strapping it down to the surface as its fit of giggles continued.
"Donnie..." I looked to the side, and the room was empty again. It was just me and Caleb, alone. "...Come on, Donnie, talk to me. You're not mad at me for last time, are you?"
"Caleb, what are you doing to me?"
"I'm not doing anything to you. I just wanna talk." He said, and he moved over to wrap his arms around me. "And maybe...kiss a little bit more. Hehehe!"
"Wait...you're not...you're not REAL. This is all in my head. I'm making all of this happen on my own, and I can stop this whenever I want." I said, backing away from him.
"Hehehe, no you can't. Why would you want to stop?" He said. "Come on...take a little break with me for a while. Tell me you love me again. Just like last time. It made me feel so good to hear it last time."
"What the hell are you?" I asked him, and he got a confused look on his face. He walked towards me, and I suddenly sprang out of my seat and backed up against the wall.
"What's the matter with you, Donnie?"
"Get away from me!" I jerked when he reached out his hand to me. "STOP IT!!!" I shouted. He tried to lean in and kiss me again, but I fought him off and held on to his wrists to keep his hands off of me. "You're not real, Caleb. Do you hear me? You're not real."
He got the most seriously hurt look on his face when I told him that. He gnashed his teeth together in anger for a moment, his eyes filling up with tears. "Why do you keep SAYING that? I AM real!" His voice changed to something as deep and guttural as a lion's roar, and his eyes turned completely black with a single blink. "I AM REAL! And you LOVE me! You SAID you loved me! I was there!"
"Caleb..." I said, trying not to scream from the fear I was feeling. "Try to think...ok? Where are you right now?"
"I'm here...with you..."
"No...you're not." I was trying to make sense of all this, but nothing about it seemed sane. "Caleb, think hard. What happened to you?" Caleb's eyes returned to normal, and as he struggled to remember, his entire mood softened a bit. He seemed so lost at that moment, so fragile. "Did you....did you hurt yourself, Caleb?"
He paused, as a look of intense emotional pain seemed to wash over his face. Tears ran down his cheeks, and he whispered, "I don't like this game."
"Caleb...?"
"I DON'T LIKE THIS GAME!!!" He screamed. He began to cry harder, and I noticed something warm running over the fingers of my right hand as I held on to his wrist. It was blood. "No...I didn't want this. I wanted...I wanted love...love." He mumbled as the blood began to completely cover my fingers and run up my sleeve. I let go and it began to sputter and spray the front of my shirt and some into my face as he reached down to grab the wound with his other hand. "You wanna hurt me."
"No, Caleb. That's not true."
"You wanna hurt me! You're just like everybody else! You don't love me! NOBODY loves me! You all HATE me!"
"Who hates you, Caleb? Who's trying to hurt you?"
"He let me die, you know? He let me die!" Caleb began to sob and sniffle uncontrollably, and there was a growing puddle of blood at his feet. Soon, the thick warm pool began to prickle up on the floor and drip up towards the ceiling as well, creating a rain of crimson both above and below him. For every 40 or 50 drops of blood that floated up to the ceiling, 40 or 50 drops rained back down to the floor. And as his open wrist bled more, both puddles began to grow in unison until half the room was covered in the gore of it. The sound of it was almost as loud as a crashing waterfall, and small flashes of lightning began to spark up underneath it all. I backed away as far as I could, my back pressed firmly up against the chalkboard, and Caleb looked at me with sad eyes. "He...let...me...die..."
It was then that the clock on the wall began to spin in circles, and a record needle bent down to touch its surface. I heard the distinct snaps and pops of old vinyl again, and the familiar haunting tune of an old jazz song playing over the school's announcement speakers.
"Somewhere, someday....we'll be close together, wait and see. Oh, by the way....this time the dream's on me."
He began to mumble something over and over as he turned his back to me, his voice changing and warping with every few words. It seemed like his whole dream body was vibrating rapidly, as though it was in torment. The very outline of him was a blur, shaking violently beyond perception...and it didn't stop until he began to face me again.
"Now I lay me down to sleep...I pray, the Lord, my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake. I pray, the Lord, my soul to take." He said. He repeated it over and over again, as he slowly rotated to face me. His face was almost blue, pale beyond comparison, and his eyes were dead and cold as he continued to chant to himself. "Now I lay me down to sleep...I pray, the Lord, my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake. I pray, the Lord, my soul to take. Now I lay me down to sleep...I pray, the Lord, my soul to keep..." Then, he stopped, and looked directly into my eyes. "...And if I die before I wake.....and...if I die...before I wake..." His voice got softer and softer...until it was almost a whisper. "And if I die........."
Suddenly, his hands LASHED out in an instant! He grabbed a hold of my arms, his palms smearing my skin with coagulated blood! He took a strong hold of me, and pulled me into the constant rain surrounding him, soaking me in it. My clothes, my hair, everything! I fought to pull back, but I couldn't get a foothold! The blood beneath my feet made me slip and slide down to the floor as he dragged me closer to the center! Then he pulled me up to a standing position right next to him, holding me tight! I couldn't get away! I couldn't move! And his pale, bloodless, face moved closer to me. I shut my eyes tight as he kissed me deeply on the lips. It was dead and cold, his icy tongue forcing my lips open as the warm blood showered us in the center of the classroom. I couldn't even bring myself to scream. His tongue was so long, soooo cold. It lewdly licked its way past my gag reflex and touched the back of my throat, and just as I thought I was about to be sick from it....I heard the sound of a bell ringing in the background!
It was soft at first, but it quickly got louder until it finally penetrated its way through my daydream and pulled me back into reality. The jolt was so startling that my entire body was almost sore from the sudden transition. I gasped outloud, and had to fiercly grip the sides of my school desk to keep from being thrown to the floor by my own disorientation. I was breathing so hard, beads of sweat dribbling down my cheeks, my eyes open wide as I tried to regain a grip on my own sanity. I looked around the room to see the other students staring at me as though I was some kind of raving lunatic. I heard a few giggles here and there, but most of them just took me as being some freak with a bad acid trip going on.
"Everyone turn in your papers before you leave. It's the only way you're going to get credit for being here today." The teacher said, and I took another opportunity to look around me and examine it for any of the horrific images I had just been exposed to in the last few minutes. I even reached out to touch the wall to make sure that it was stable. Everything was back to normal. Perfect. Just like it was before.
I stood up on shakey legs, afraid to step forward for fear that I would walk right back into that nightmare. It felt so real. I could still sense the lingering taste of his sickening tongue in my mouth. I could still feel the warmth of the blood on my arms and shoulders. It was difficult to put one foot in front of the other after such an ordeal. But...the strangest part came from when I looked down at my test paper. It wasn't blank. Not anymore. On the front and back of each page...I had written out the same sentence. Over, and over, and over again....
'Donnie Loves Caleb. Donnie Loves Caleb. Donnie Loves Caleb.'
There were hearts drawn all over it, and smiley faces. It literally filled every inch of the paper, in MY handwriting, and I don't remember doing ANY of it!
I was quick to crumble the test up and shove it into my backpack, making my way out of the classroom before my teacher realized that I hadn't turned it in. I dashed out into the hall, and just began walking really fast towards my next period class. I looked up at all of the smiling faces around me, all of the lockers, all of the 'normal' things that I could recognize and be a part of again. But in the back of my mind, I couldn't tell if any of it was 'real' or not. Not anymore. I didn't know if one of the kids in the hall was going to suddenly burst into flames, or if the ceiling was going to disappear, or if the floor was going to change from white to purple with just a thought. I was stuck between what I knew to be real, and what I believed to be a fantasy. I never had the line between the two get so thin before. Becoming so blurred that I couldn't tell the difference.
I shouldn't be seeing these things. It's not real. It's not real. Calm down, Donnie. You're losing your balance here. Just...breathe. Breathe....and remember.....
You're making it all up in your head.
Right???
My heartbeat was racing, the fear of my own vulnerability being used as a weapon aganst me. Walking those school halls had never been such a frightening experience. My very grip on the fabric of what I knew to be reality was now a very thin sheet of ice for me to walk/ Traveling over a vast lake of unexpected danger. This was no dream. Caleb is real. He's REAL! And instead of me chasing him...I think....he's chasing me!
I attempted to keep myself calm. Still holding on to the fragile hope that this would all somehow go away and leave me alone. It wasn't believable enough for anyone to possibly help me. The most they could do for me would be to lock me up for being totally out of my fucking mind. Hell...I was beginning to wonder if that's just what I needed. Maybe this lucid dreaming practice of mine has some hidden side effects that I wasn't prepared for. Maybe I really am just losing it a little bit, and just need some more sleep. I tried to rationalize the whole thing out somehow. I tried to find that 'logical explanation' that would take away the fear long enough for me to figure out what to do about it all. But I had no luck in faking myself out. The realization of something more was right there...waiting for me. Calling out to me. Making me recognize its stubborn position in my mind, no matter how insane it seemed. It wasn't something that I could just 'wish away'. It was here to stay. And it remained one step behind me the entire time I stayed awake.
My next class was an excercise in focus. I didn't dare let my mind wander, not even for a second. And yet...there was something in the very back of my sbconscious that was continually tugging at my senses. Forcing me to notice. Trying to get me to sleep. I shouldn't be tired. I should be awake, and alert. But the sleep kept trying to pull me back into its warm embrace. Was it Caleb doing this? Or was I simply tired from staying up so late last night. It was hard to tell. But every few minutes, as my teacher was talking and writing on the blackboard...I could feel that 'pull' all over again. That loss of concentration. The haze that covered my eyes and threatened to suck me right back into that awful dream world where Caleb was waiting for me. To grab a hold of me, and refuse to let me go. It felt almost like I was getting ready to faint, my body swaying gently as I struggled to keep my eyes open. The sound of my teacher's voice blending and blurring into this distant hum of incomprehensible chatter. The sleep....the sleep was sooooo seductive.
The room seemed to tilt with the bliss of it. The walls seemed to bend, and the tops of my folded hands appeared to be the perfect pillow for me to rest my weary head and shut my burning eyes....just for a minute or two. The waves of comforting heat washed over my face, covering my cheeks in this fatigued tingle that begged me to stop resisting. But I fought it! I fought it with everything I had. I tried to pinch myself on the arm, hoping that the pain of it would keep me awake. But my body was numb with temptation, the lure of a restful slumber pulling me deeper into the abyss. I was thankful to hear the next bell ring so that I could move around a bit. I needed caffeine. LOTS of it!
I stopped by the downstairs cafeteria on my way to my next class, and got three Cokes and a Mountain Dew soda out of the machine. I wish we had something stronger, but it'll have to do for now. I opened the Mountain Dew and guzzled it down as fast as I could, only stopping twice to take a breath, and keep the fizz from burning my throat. It only took a few minutes for the jolt of energy to kick in, and I found myself able to at least keep my eyes open. That strange pull on my senses was still there, but it was powerless against the sugar rush flowing through my system. It gave me some temporary relief, but what was I gonna do? Not ever sleep again?
I was able to make it to the end of my next class without too much trouble. But the bad thing about a sugar rush is...when you finally DO crash and burn, it's even worse than it was before. Soon, my body began to drop down from its temporarily caffinated high, and it realized that it had just spent the last forty five minutes rapidly burning off what little energy I had to begin with. My sleepiness got worse, and I was forced to open another soda in the middle of my next class. Naturally, my teacher objected, but I had guzzled half of it down by the time she even noticed, and she figured she could just let me finish it. This energy boost didn't even last as long as the one before it. And I began to droop almost immediately. It was like that dream state was feeding off of it somehow, getting stronger. Devouring my energy, minute by minute, until it was all gone. It wanted me back. It wanted me to surrender to its call and lull me back to sleep. The dizzyness was unbearable.
Finally, the next bell rang, allowing me to get out of my seat and stand on my feet. With a stretch, I attempted to find my balance again. But then...as I looked at the blackboard in front of the room....I noticed the words written across it began to rearrange themselves into weird symbols and gibberish. I quickly reached a hand up to rub my eyes, but when I looked again, the swirling images began to swirl faster and faster, until the chalk dust began to flare up in a cloud of smoke. Everything else around me seemed normal, but I couldn't ignore what was going on. My teacher sat at her desk, not noticing anything wrong, and I hurried out of the door before it got any worse.
I rubbed my eyes again, and looked around me. I'm awake. I KNOW that I'm awake. I'm in school.....right? This....this is reality. Reality. I'm ok.
I walked slowly down the hall, knowing that I only had two classes left to go for the day. But as I navigated the path between hundreds of other high school kids, I began to pick out tiny little details that didn't belong here. I noticed a water fountain that was flowing upwards into someone's mouth instead of down like it should. I noticed an upside down banner for the school dance in the main hallway. And some of the tiles in the floor were crooked. The more I tried to widen my eyes and focus on what was real and what was out of place...the more my eyes deceived me. I noticed some crumpled up paper blowing across the ceiling, a laminated hall sign that seemed to be shifting and moving as though it were alive, and a trash can that was slowly spilling over all by itself, bubbling up from the center.
My head was spinning, and I leaned up against a locker for support. "Donnie..." Came a whisper over my shoulder, and I jumped away from the locker to see where it was coming from. I stared at the locker's shiny surface, and noticed a reflection in it. Behind me....stood a blond boy, looking over my shoulder. "Donnie...." I spun around again! But there was nothing there. I noticed a locker opening wide at the end of the hall. And then another, slightly closer to me. Then another. And another. They all began to open, on both sides of the hall. Rushing towards me all at once. "I just want you to love me, Donnie! Why won't you love me?"
"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!" I shouted outloud, and noticed three girls standing in front of me who all jumped at my sudden outburst.
"What the hell is YOUR problem, you spaz?!?!?!" Said one of the ladies, and they gave me a dirty look as they tried to catch their breath and keep walking down the hall in peace. I straightened up, looking around me, and the hallway was normal again. Trash in its place, tiles back in line, lockers closed. It took a moment or two before I felt safe even moving from my position. I looked at the locker behind me, and there was no reflection in its dull painted surface. I searched my surroundings out of the corner of my eye, moving as little as possible. Is this real...or is it just another trick? Or...was the dream a trick?
I could feel the eyes of the other students staring at me. Gawking at the freak who was having a mental breakdown right in the middle of the hallway. I grabbed both sides of my head with my hands and leaned up against the wall...trying to rub the demons out of my skull. God....it felt so good to close my eyes. Even in agony. Soooooo good....to close my eyes.
I broke myself out of a beginning trance, and stood upright. I'm not gonna make it through the last few periods of school. I've gotta get out of here. I've got to. If I crack up completely, I can at least do it at home. At least....that was my logic at the time.
I made a beeline to my locker and grabbed everything I needed for the night, and then locked it up before heading out to the bus stop. I could have asked Bax for a ride, he would have jumped at the chance to ditch school with the semi-legitimate excuse of taking his sick home. But that would have led to him asking questions that I couldn't answer. Making me sound even more looney toons than I already do. Not to mention that he'd tell Jeff and April, who would worry even more than usual about my well-being. Somehow, having to lean on them was just making me feel worse. They don't understand. They don't see. So any further assistance from them is a burden on their part. And a useless attempt at sympathy that, ultimately, won't do me any good. No....I can do this myself. I can...I can....get him to stop. That's all. I can get him to stop.
I stood in the center aisle of the bus on the way home. Even though there were plenty of seats, the vibration of the bus and the motion of the vehicle alone would have put me to sleep instantly. The cold October air had chilled me to the point of being uncomfortably alert at the bus stop, but the heated interior of the transport was treating me to a silent lullabye that was hard to resist. Standing was the only thing keeping me conscious. But it still begged the question...what happens when I get home? What happens when the sleep wins...and I'm no longer able to struggle against its compelling current? Sleep is the enemy...but it is inevitable.
I paced back and forth, tried every activity, every gulp of soda, every video game, every selection of loud music that I could find to play at full volume through my earphones. But sleep overtook me eventually. It had only taken an hour and a half for it to claim me once I got home. And I surrendered. God help me, I surrendered. I just couldn't hold out any longer.
Even in the dream, I kept my eyes closed. I pulled the covers up to my neck, and rolled over on my side, my ears perked up for any noises in the surrounding room. There was nothing but silence around me. The kind of silence where you can hear your own pulse rushing through your ears as you lay against the pillow. It was deafening. Minutes ticked by, and I wondered how long I would have to stay here. Time doesn't exist in this place. Not like it should. It could be WEEKS, maybe even MONTHS, before I'm able to open my eyes again. And it was then that I began to tremble slightly, as I heard faint whispers coming from all around me.
I tensed up, unable to decipher what the whispers were saying, but I didn't dare open my eyes. Instead, I curled up into a tighter ball and refused to let myself become a part of the dream. I won't let it force m to be an active participant in this. Not anymore. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be aware of the dream anymore. I just wanna sleep. Please.....just let me sleep.
The whispers got stronger, closing in on me from all sides, and I did all I could to block them out. Then...I felt a pressure on the bed. As though someone were 'kneeling' on it. I held my breath for a moment, still trying to gain some kind of control. Still trying to push him away. But the mattress creaked beneath me, as his light weight body crawled further up the bed, his knees on either side of me. Don't look. Don't let him in. Fight it! I could feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek, and he waited for a moment...before leaning down to give me a kiss. I squinted my eyes together even tighter than before, and clutched the blanket as firmly as I could, as though it could be much of a shield. The form above me paused, and then I felt it slide over to the side to lay down beside me, spooning up to my backside. An arm slid its way around my middle, and I felt a single finger run slow circles around my navel. I couldn't block it out. I tried, but I was powerless to keep him at bay. "Donnie?" He whispered, his cold breath on the back of my neck. "Donnie, what's wrong? Talk to me."
I finally found the courage to speak, albeit with a shakey voice. "Please....just leave me alone."
"Why?" He asked. "Don't you love me anymore?" It was then that I felt a warm liquid on my stomach. It was coming from his wrist as he touched me there. It began to soak the sheets and slide over the surface of my skin. Only then did I finally open my eyes, and look down to see a growing bloodstain on the sheets.
"STOP IT!!!" I quickly jumped out of the bed and ran to the corner of the room, my body twitching and jumping involuntarily as though I was covered in spiders. But when I looked back at the bed, even though the blood was still there, Caleb was gone.
I looked around my room, searching for a trace of him, but didn't see anything. Did I wake up from the dream? Is this real? Or am I still asleep? It was getting harder and harder to tell the difference. I seemed to be caught in the middle of both worlds, each one fighting for my recognition while elements of both spilled over into my conscious. Certain things were familiar, others weren't. Some details remained the same, while others...I expected them to change at any moment. I walked quietly to the window and looked outside. I sharpened my focus, trying not to fall to some careless level of 'dream logic', and I found what I was looking for. The sidewalk was warped and bent to the side at the end of the block. And behind it...the mist. Dreaming. Nice try, Caleb.
I backed away from the window sill, watching to see if he'd try to slide his way into my view again. I didn't touch anything. I didn't try to change anything, or control the situation. I gave myself over to it, wiping my mind clean of its awareness and trying to simply let things happen like they were supposed to. I think that made Caleb angry. Because I could see storm clouds rolling in from the distance. Dark turbulent masses of lightning and thunder, flooding the sky with its presence, shaking the walls and foundations around me. I stood my ground as the roof above me began to tear itself away, and the winds blew into my face, making it hard to breathe. And then...I saw Caleb Jordan's form appear slowly in front of my very eyes. His grin was so natural, so sweet. His green eyes were glimmering with the kind of admiration that could lift someone's heart and soul...if only they weren't afraid to accept it.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked. He moved closer, hoping that his charm could win over my hesitation to reach out to him.
"Don't be afraid of me, Donnie. I don't want to hurt you." He begged with a boyish whine.
"What do you want from me?"
"I don't want ANYTHING...I just..." He stepped closer, an imploring look in his eyes, "...I want things to be just like they were before. That's all. We had fun, didn't we?"
"Caleb...please..." I started, but he interrupted me.
"You're so cute. Just seeing you here makes me soooo happy." He reached out his hand slowly to touch the fabric of my shirt, and a chill rushed its way through me. "You know...I dream about you sometimes. Here, in this place."
"Dream about me?"
"Yeah." He giggled. "I dream about your waking life. Kinda like how you dream about me here. I only get little bits and pieces, but I like it. It's nice to see how you live."
I stood frozen for a moment, and Caleb leaned in to kiss me. I turned away from him, and a hurt look crossed his face. It was quick to vanish though, and his smile returned even brighter than before. "I have to...wake up now." I told him.
"Don't be silly. You just got here. You need your sleep."
"No...seriously. I...I forgot, I've gotta do something before school tomorrow. I should get up and...and finish..." I tried to bluff my way out of it, but he wasn't buying it.
"Donnie...come on. Quit fooling around. Talk to me."
"Seriously! I want to wake up, ok?" I said louder. I noticed that the walls in my room began to darken, and an ice cold breeze blew in through my open window. Caleb noticed it right away, and looked back at me suspiciously.
"Are you afraid of me?" He asked.
"No. No, I'm not afraid." But my dream world betrayed me. The very details of my subconcious thoughts began to melt into everything around me. Changing it. Warping it to fit my mood. I couldn't really stop it from happening. My true emotions caused the dream world to match my every hidden thought. "I'm fine. I just...I need to wake up now. Ok?" I asked, as Caleb seemed slightly confused by my reaction. "So....can you please....just...let me out? Please?"
"Is that what you think? That I'm forcing you to be here?" He pouted. I didn't say anything at first, but as the gentle wind got colder, and the walls turned black, he knew exactly what I was thinking. He narrowed his eyes, almost as if he resented me, and said, "You just wanna leave me. You wanna leave me here to suffer all alone."
"I don't want you to suffer, Caleb, I just wanna go home..."
"LIAR!" He shouted. "You used me! You tell me you love me, but you don't! You talk to me and act all nice and sweet...but you don't give a SHIT about me! Do you???" A tear slipped from his eye as his bottom lip began to quiver. "DO YOU???"
He was getting angry again, and I heard the rumble of thunder in the dream clouds overhead. I didn't want him to explode, I needed to comfort him enough to let me go. I needed him to understand. So I slowly peeled my back away from the wall, and took a few unbalanced baby steps in his direction. "Caleb...honey...it's alright." I attempted to mentally put the room back to normal, hoping to hide my feelings from him long enough to get him to listen to me. He had his head down, his blond locks shielding his crying eyes from me. I touched his shoulder, and he pulled away from me. But...when I reached out a second time...he let it stay, and began to whimper softly as he moved forward to hug me and cry on my shoulder. "Shhhhh...it's ok. I'm here. Ok? I'm here."
"Why did you take it back? Why don't you love me anymore? You said you wanted me. You said you felt the same way that I did. I thought we would be together. I thought we would be happy." I looked down at the top of his blond hair, and became a bit confused. It was weird, but I don't think he was actually talking about 'me' anymore. "You said you would never hurt me, Brett. Never. You promised." As Caleb's hand caressed my shirt, the color started to change, and it felt as though my appearance was changing right along with it.
"Who's Brett? Caleb? Who is he?" I asked, seeing the change spread even further. Caleb looked up at me with teary eyes, appearing so helpless. So miserable. "Who is Brett?" I asked again.
"He...he hurt me, Donnie. It won't go away. It still HURTS!" Caleb's eyes turned black, and his tears began to run red with blood. I saw him frown up, the anger returning to his voice. "He said, 'you knew what this was'. How the fuck can somebody SAY that to someone else? He threw it all back in my face! He just wanted to cut me off, and go be with someone else instead!!!" The thunder rumbled loudly outside, and Caleb's emotions seemed to enrage the whole environment. And then, in an instant, his mood changed again, and he began to sob sadly against me. "He didn't want to be seen with me. He wanted to whisper 'I love you' behind closed doors, but he didn't want to say it outloud. He got mad at me. I fucked up. I missed him, I didn't know what to do. He wouldn't talk to me. He...he turned me away." Caleb released his hold on me. "Just...like...you are."
The thunder blasted loudly, and Caleb began to float slowly away from me, his feet sliding across the floor's surface. My clothes went back to normal, and he began to see me for 'me' again. But the very fabric of this fantasy world seemed to be weakening. The walls began to crack. The floor boards tilted and stretched, and the celing began to sink in, looking as though it were ready to cave in on top of me. The winds began to blow curtains straight out and the sheets on my bed were pushed to the floor along with a chaotic assortment of paprs and debris from my desk. Eventually, I had to find something to hold on to, and squinted my eyes tightly as the room erupted in a cyclone of windswept litter, and Caleb levitated slowly off of the ground, his arms outstretched as his jealous eyes burned a hole right through me.
"I won't be hurt like that again." He said, his voice a deep layered growl that seemed to echo off in the distance. "I won't let you take advantage of my heart for your own sick pleasure, and then just 'forget' about me when you're through having your fun. I'm going to matter to you, the way you matter to me. I've had enough pain in my life to allow any more to penetrate."
"I'm not Brett, Caleb. My name is Donnie...remember? Donnie?"
But he hovered there in the air, motionless. Unaffected by my words. "You think you're just going to walk out on me again? You think you can ditch me and go find somebody else to be happy with? That you can just pretend this never happened? I don't think so. Not this time." He hissed. "I've invested a piece of my heart in your so-called 'love'...and I plan to get it back. Even if I have to rip it out of your chest personally....."
The roof blew right off the top of the house and the wind and rain came pouring in. It was so heavy that I could barely see, much less breathe! It looked as though the whole world was being swept up in a hurricane of rage and heartbreak, and just as my grip began to slip and I was pulled away from the wall...I was awake.
I was laying face down in my bed, again, away from the storm. Away from Caleb. Away from the rain. But...I couldn't move. I was....'aware', but still asleep. I tried to move my arms and legs, tried to open my eyes, but my body was paralyzed. Every inch of me was stuck in that position. I couldn't speak. I coldn't do anything. I just lay there, motionless, feeling like a lost soul trapped in a dead body. It only took a few seconds of pointless struggling to feel a panic coming on. My face was pressed tightly to my pillow, and it felt like I could hardly breathe. I was trying desperately to gather in big gulps of air, but I couldn't manage. I began to feel like I was almost suffocating. What WAS this??? I was stuck between both worlds. No longer submerged in the dream, not yet fully immersed in reality, but...awake. Caleb was still trying to pull me back in.
I don't know how much time passed, but I was almost ready to give up my protest and allow myself to return to the dream, if only to escape the hell of being so helpless in my own body. Then...I felt my finger move. Dear God..it moved! I tried to do it again...and again. It took every last ounce of concentration that I had to cause even the slightest twitch to occur. I could hear my own gentle snoring getting deeper, and soon, I felt one of my legs move and bend at the knee....almost involuntarily. I was determined to get out of this limbo if it killed me, and frantically focused on trying to move any part of my body that would respond to my command. A finger. A toe. An arm. A leg. Caleb CAN'T hold me here! I won't let him!
It seemed like it took forever, but I finally got my arm to lazily move up the mattress a bit, and I was able to struggle my position to lie on my back. At least I could breathe normally again. And as the tender 'buzz' left my limbs...I was finally able to open my eyes, and found myself staring at the ceiling. I was breathing hard from all of my unconscious wiggling, and my heart was beating fast from the scare of it all. I looked over at my window, which was still closed, but I could swear that I felt the harsh winds of the storm still striking me across the face. Everytime I dream about him, he seems to ge more real. More concrete. And it affects everything I do, even when I'm awake. ike now.
At least...I hope I'm awake.
I jumped out of my bed as soon as I had the energy, and it was still incredibly early for going to school. In fact, my Dad was still downstairs getting ready to go, his morning English Muffin popping up in the toaster. I went to the bathroom first, and then picked up my phone to dial Chucky's cell number. Chucky was always at school an hour or two early. They served breakfast in the cafeteria, and since his mom wasn't a morning person, it was either that, or starve until lunch. Besides, it was the only time that he could use the library and computer lab equipment in peace. No other kids would be caught dead trying to spend a single minute more in that building than they had to on a daily basis. Please be there, Chucky. Please!
Finally, I heard his cell phone click open. "What are YOU doing up at this time of morning? Was there an earthquake that I didn't know about?" He answered, seeing my number on his phone.
"Chucky! I've gotta come see you!"
"I'm flattered. Um....why, exactly?"
"It's about the dream!"
He sighed. "Again with the dream. Dude, what do I have to do to get you to leave that whole thing alone? Huh? I already told you...it's just your imagination. You're only making it worse by thinking about it all the time."
"Chucky, please! Just...tell me where to meet you. If for no other reason than to have some more psychotic ramblings to put in your notebook." There was a momentary pause, as I figured that he was pondering over whether or not to indulge me in this fantasy any longer. I made sure to get in one more plea while I still had him on the edge. "C'mon, man! Look, worst case scenario...you get a perfect example of what happens to people when they use the lucid dreaming technique way more than they're supposed to. Right?" I told him. "It's for science."
Chucky almost didn't want to answer, but he finally said, "Listen, I'm heading up to the second floor library. I'll be in the back near the video viewing rooms. I can meet you there. But I've got some homework that I've GOTTA finish, so make it over here quick, ok?"
"THANKS, man! I owe you one!" I hung up the phone and rushed to get dressed. I hope Chucky has something in his notebook about haunted dreams. Otherwise, I'm all on my own. And I don't have any idea of where to begin.
I washed up and brushed my teeth, looking at my hair in the mirror. I didn't take a lot of time to fix it, but I didn't really need to do much to it anyway. And then, as I was packing up my backpack and putting on my shoes...I heard a low rumble of thunder rolling in my direction. Deep, and foreboding. I froze up instantly, my eyes widening to search my room for anything strange.
No...no, I'm awake. Right? I mean...I KNOW that I woke up! I....I got out of bed. I talked to Chucky on the phone. I brushed my teeth. This...this has to be real. It HAS to be.
I heard a bumping noise coming from outside my bedroom door. It was soft, but I heard it. Thump, thump, thump...quiet, steady. I opened my door, while taking a deep breath...and then...sighed in relief as I saw my dad lightly pounding in a few raised staples down on the stairs. "Jesus, Dad." I said, feeling my heart still pounding in my chest.
"What's the matter?" He asked.
"Nothing. I just..." How do I say this exactly? "...I thought I was dreaming."
"Well, technically, you should be. I haven't seen you up this early in the morning in a long time." He stood up, dusting off the knees on his slacks. "I hope I didn't wake you up, I was trying to be quiet. Some of these raised staples can be a hazard if you let them remain untouched for too long." He stopped for a second, and got a good look at me. "Have you been getting enough sleep, kiddo? You're getting rings under your eyes."
"If you ask me, I've been getting too much sleep." I told him, not following that up with an explanation. I started going back into my room, but he spoke to me.
"Uh...you might want to take an umbrealla." I could hear the tone in his voice. It was one of those 'do you need to talk?' tones where he felt awkward, but obligated to make a connection anyway. "It...looks like rain, outside." Ever since I came out to my parents, they've been supportive. But some days, they act like I'm hiding a nuclear bomb from them in the basement or something. I wish I had a way to convince them that I was fine.
There was a short moment of silence between us, where I just said, "Thanks. I'll...take one."
"Good." He just stood there, tapping his fingers on the rail of the staircase. "So...you're still liking the new house, right? I mean, you're not sorry that we moved away...?"
I interrupted him before he got into any kind of meaningful conversations. "You know what? I think I'm just gonna...go to school early today. So...?" I waited for him to get the hint, and thankfully, he did.
"Sure. That's ok." He made sure to look closer, just in case I was secretly 'upset' and wouldn't tell him about it. Sigh...parents just don't get it sometimes. "I'll see you around at dinner then, alright?" He sounded so concerned. As though I needed his quality time and attention and he had just become aware of it. My father was one of those people who always worries that he's not doing enough. So when he sees an opportunity where he might have been lacking in the 'daddy' department, he always wants to fix it with a family dinner discussion or something similar. Real 'Brady Bunch' shit. It wasn't necessary, but, you know...whatever does it for him. At least I know he cares.
"Dinner. Sure thing, Dad." I said lazily, and went back into my room to finish getting ready. He meant well, I know. But it wasn't the kind of help I needed at the moment. Not by a longshot.
It had been a long time since I had taken the bus to school. And as soon as I walked out to the bus stop, the first few drops of rain began to fall. Maybe I should have taken that umbrella with me afterall.
I got to school just as the downpour began, and had to run inside before I was completely soaked. I shook the water out of my hair and my shoes squeaked their way to the second floor library, where Chucky was waiting for me. "You should have brought an umbrella." He said sarcastically as he saw me dripping wet.
"Duh! Really?"
"I don't have a whole lot of time. This paper is kicking my ass, and I've got to have it finished by seventh period today. I'm NOT skipping lunch, either!" Chucky told me, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. He opened his notebook and turned to the section with my dream notes in it. "Alright, notes ready, pen ready, subject....thouroughly shaken...tell me what's going on."
"I'm not in control anymore."
He looked up at me. "What are you talking about?"
"The DREAM, Chucky! I'm not in control. I thought I was, and I was trying hard to get it back...but....something's wrong. Something's different. It's like he can tell when I'm asleep and when I'm awake. He can pull me in whenever he WANTS to..."
"Whoah, hold on, Donnie! Slow down. You're talking about him as if he was a real person."
"He IS a real person, and he's haunting my dreams!" I said louder, and it caused the librarian to look up from her breakfast bagel and shush us with a frowned expression. "Look, yesterday, I was taking a test, and Caleb showed up right in the middle of it. It was like he sucked me right in."
Chucky couldn't grasp what I was saying. Not fully anyway. "Dude....maybe you just fell asleep during the test."
"I didn't fall asleep. I was wide awake the entire time. And he was THERE. He was trying to pull me in all day yesterday. And last night, it happened again. I can't even tell what's real and what isn't half the time."
"You haven't been sleeping, Donnie. That's what's causing your confusion." I started to shake my head furiously and disagree, but Chucky turned to the computer screen and showed me some of the information that he had pulled up while I was on my way over there. "Look at this, ok? Please? Just...drop the 'ghost story' for a couple of seconds and try to think rationally for a minute." He said, and scrolled down to some key points that he wanted to highlight. "You see, it says right here that excessive lucid dreaming can sometimes cause paranoia, memory lapses or confusion, restlessness, insomnia..."
"I KNOW all of that! But you're not listening to me!" I said, and the librarian shushed us again from her desk.
"Look at your eyes, Donnie. Have you even seen a mirror lately? You're starting to look like shit." He told me. "You see this notebook? Over ninety percent of it is full of your dream weaving work. In just six weeks. I TOLD you that you need a break, Donnie! You're burning yourself out. You've gotta free dream. Your subconscious has its own problems to work out, and you're not letting it happen like you're supposed to."
"I WANT to free dream! But I CAN'T! He won't let me..."
"Oh, I see. 'HE' won't let you. Are you hearing yourself right now?" Chucky wasn't buying it. He couldn't seem to get past the goddamn info on that stupid screen. "You're NOT being haunted by the spirit of a dead teenager. You're the victim of sleep deprivation, that's all. Look at what it says here..." He said, scrolling down a bit more as my frustration began to build. "...It can be diagnosed by bouts of daytime fatigue, memory loss, difficulty concentrating..."
"Dammit, Chucky!!!" I shouted, and the librarian gave us our final warning. Threatening to kick us both out if we couldn't keep our voices down.
Chucky looked at me with a raised eyebrow, and added, "....Irritability."
"I'm not being irritable, I just..." Please hear me, Chucky. PLEASE just believe me! "This isn't some weird side effect to me not sleeping enough. He's real, do you understand that? He talks to me. He knows things about me. Things I do during the day."
"He's in your subconscious, Donnie. That's what is supposed to happen."
"But he's not a PART of me, I know it." I pleaded. "I dreamt about him, and he found out that I could see and hear him, and ever since then...he's been a permanent part of my dreams. Every night."
"Only because you keep persuing this fantasy of him being something more. You read about him, look at pictures of him, you're obsessed..."
"What about yesterday's test? I wasn't thinking about him then. And he literally 'forced' me into a dream. In the middle of class. I couldn't stop him."
"Look, it says right here, that in extreme cases, sleep deprivation can even cause hallucinations and momentary loss of consciousness." He said calmly. "You were probably half asleep, and trying to burn energy that you didn't have on a test that you didn't want to take. Your mind wandered, your lack of sleep caused you to momentarily drift off, and you started practically dreaming with your eyes open."
"What about this morning, huh? I was trying to get away from him in the dream, but he was trying to pull me back in. I couldn't move. It's like my body was....DEAD or something!"
"It's called sleep paralysis. The body creates a chemical that paralyzes you while you sleep. It keeps you from acting out your dreams. It happens to everybody. Sometimes you wake up and your circulation hasn't gotten rid of it all yet. That's all." Chucky saw me struggling to make him believe, and he put a hand on my shoulder. "Dude, all of these situations have a completely scientific explanation. You just have to look for the truth instead of making up some kind of sci-fi answer for what's happening to you."
"It was....it was so real." I said, my eyes looking down at the floor. "It won't stop. This can't just be some kind of mistake."
"What you are experiencing are severe moodswings and insomnia based on a picture you saw in a yearbook from 1996. That's all. This...'Caleb' person is just a representation of your wants and needs. Just like the Jesse McCartney dream. You're making this happen, Donnie. And the more you think about it, the longer he'll stay. Do you understand?"
I tried to fight for my own belief. I tried to make him see that this wasn't just some kind of weird psychosis that I was bringing on myself. But...my side of the equation wasn't as well thought out as his. It didn't have a nice internet website to back it up. It didn't have any serious studies or sane arguments in its favor. Instead...I felt my mind trying to give way to what he was saying. And I tried so hard to accept it. "So....what do I do?"
"I don't know. Dream about something else." He said. "You're the one in control. Whenever he shows up in your dream, ignore him. And dream about someone else instead. Change the location of your dream. Change the weather. Take your control back. Then you'll see that it was you all along." I thought about it, and Chucky asked me, "Isn't there anyone else that you could dream about? A powerful image that you could focus on in order to take you away from the norm?"
I didn't blurt it out or anything, but a slight blush came to my cheeks. "Well....I did kinda dream about....'someone' recently. But....it was kinda weird."
"Was it a strong image?" He asked.
"Oh yeah. Believe me." I answered. "Just...a friend though."
"Is it Baxter?" What??? How the hell did he guess that?
"W-W-What makes you think it's Bax?"
"Well, first of all...you stuttered when you asked me. Two, you wouldn't tell me his name, which makes me believe that I know who he is." He gave me a sideways look. "There aren't that many people that we both know."
"That doesn't mean..."
"And THIRD....you're gay, he's blond, you couldn't get much more predictable if you tried." He told me. "Besides, you have a blond fetish. It just makes sense."
"I don't have a....'blond fetish'. What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about the typical gay teenager with the same taste in boys as every other gay teenager on the planet." He said, writing notes in his notebook.
"Don't write that down!"
"I'm not writing 'that' down, I'm just taking some notes." He assured me. "Look, it's ok to have a blond fetish. I didn't say there was anything wrong with it."
"There's nothing wrong with it, because I don't have one."
"Sighhhh....is Baxter blond?" He asked me.
"Just because Baxter is blond and I've been having sex dreams about him, doesn't mean..."
"So you HAVE been having sex dreams about him?"
"NO!" I said. "Wait...well....not REALLY. I mean it just...." I saw him writing more stuff down in his book. "What are you doing???"
"THAT...I'm definitely writing in the book."
"I don't have..."
"So Baxter is blond, right?"
"So what?"
"And this new Austin boy? He's blond?" He asked, and I gave him a look. "April told me."
"He's blond too. So? Coincidence."
"And this 'Caleb Jordan' boy in your dreams is blond?"
"Well I didn't MAKE him blond! He was blond alrea...."
"And Jesse McCartney is definitely blond, right?" I didn't even answer. "I rest my case. Blond fetish. Congrats, you're but one among the most stereotypical gay teenage boys on the planet. Hooray." He said with a sarcastic twist in his grin. "Don't sweat it, I'm glad. Anything to keep little ol' me off of your hoochie coochie radar is a blessing, believe me." He said, snapping his notebook shut as soon as I tried to look at what he wrote down about me. I heard the morning bell ring, and that meant that school was officially opening its doors. "And now...I'm gonna have to skip lunch to finish my homework. Thanks a lot."
"Chucky...do you really think that thinking about somebody else can help me get rid of him?" I asked hopefully.
"You don't HAVE to get 'rid' of anybody, Donnie. He's not even there. Just guide your dreams in another direction until he disappears. That's all you have to do." Chucky told me, and stood up to collect his things. "It's a recurring nightmare, that's all. The sooner you work out whatever subconscious problem it is that you have stressing you, the better. And when he's faded away into the back of your mind...do yourself a big favor...." He said, hoisting his backpack up over one shoulder. "....STOP dream weaving. Ok? Just get yourself some sleep and let your brain work out its own issues from now on."
He started to walk away, and I asked him, "Hey...you're....I mean...you're not gonna mention the Baxter dream thingy to anybody are you?"
He gave me the most malicious smirk, and said, "We'll see how I feel." And he turned around to leave the library. He wouldn't. I doubt it. Would he? Nah...no way.
I looked back at the computer screen he had up, and saw the symptoms and side effects listing again. The shifts in my mood, the fatigue, the hallucinations...was I really losing it? Was my behavior that off track where I just wasn't making any sense of the world anymore? Who knows?
I'll try what Chucky suggested. He's been right every time so far. And he's done much more research on this than I have. So I guess it's worth a shot.
Let's just hope that Caleb is as 'unreal' as Chucky says he is.
It was a scary feeling, still experiencing that strange 'pull' on my senses throughout the rest of the day, wondering if that was Caleb attempting to seduce me back into the darkness again. I felt my head nodding every ten minutes, my concentration way off base during every class. And my clothes....my clothes never felt so damn comfortable....and so warm...like early morning blankets made to be worn against the skin. I fought to stay alert, usually by gently stabbing myself in the palm with my pen tip. But it was only a temporary fix. The sleep was calling me again as soon as the sensation of self inflicted pain was gone. I tried to force myself to believe in Chucky's solution, I really did. My mind was constantly going in circles, telling me that it was just sleep deprivation and paranoia that was making me believe that any of this real. I mean, that was the obvious explanation, right? This kinda thing doesn't happen....not for REAL!
I had gone too long without restful sleep, I had filled my head with pictures and information about Caleb, and now I was dreaming about him repeatedly because my subconscious picked up on something 'different' about it all. Maybe it was just my ego that was making me think that it meant something more. Who knows? Hell, I must have been sleeping pretty lightly over the last week or so, and today I got up and left the house even earlier than usual. That's why I'm unfocused. That's why I'm tired. I just....I need to go to sleep, and NOT think about him. That's what I need to do. Just NOT think about him anymore. If I can get him out of my head, then he won't exist anymore. And I can go back to having sweet dreams of cute celebrities begging me for sex every night. Yeah...that's what I'll do. I'll ignore him. The next time he shows up, and I'm aware of it....I'll push him aside, and just think of something else. How hard can it be? It IS my dream, afterall.
Sometime around lunch, April and Jeff caught up to me and were concerned when they came by my house this morning and nobody answered the door. Especially April. "You haven't been spazzing out over this Caleb Jordan thing again, have you?" She asked.
"No. No....really. It was....just some stupid dream. I talked to Chucky and I've just been making up big excuses for totally random events. I just need some sleep. That's all." I said.
"Hellooo? That's what I've been trying to TELL you."
Jeff looked me in the eyes, and I think he could tell that I wasn't totally convinced that this was all make-believe. At least, not as convinced as I pretended to be. He started to call me on it when Baxter came over to join us.
"I did it! I actually found out who my date for Cory's party is gonna be!" He said proudly.
"Well this should be interesting." April replied.
"Jessie Turner!" Baxter grinned. "She's hot, she's a cheerleader, she's not with her loser boyfriend anymore...it's perfect."
Jeff wrinkled his forehead. "Wow...I've got to admit, she's actually pretty high up on the standard list. You must have worked some real magic to get her to say yes."
"Well, I haven't actually ASKED her out yet...but when I do, she's all mine." He said. "Another hot babe to add to Baxter's list of future ex-girlfriends!"
That comment definitely got a swat in the arm from April, who purposely stepped in front of him with her back turned to block him out of the rest of our conversation. "I'm glad you got that craziness out of your system, Donnie. It'll be good to have you acting normal again."
Bax leaned in over her shoulder, and pointed a finger at me. "Hey, you owe me two bucks worth of gas money for driving over to pick you up this morning when you weren't there." Which got April to elbow him in the stomach.
"Alright, we're out of here. Are you riding home with us today?" Jeff asked me.
"Yeah, I'll meet you guys out back after school."
"Deal." They walked off to go to their next classes, and something about the ease with which I told them that everything was going to be ok....it soothed me. Maybe I was ok. Maybe I'll be ok when I sleep tonight. It would be so good to get myself balanced again.
They drove me home after school let out, and Bax went on and on about this Jessie Turner girl and all the wonderful things he was gonna do once he got her alone. Hehehe, April had to put her iPod earphones in and look out the window for the entire trip just to fight te urge to beat him to death with a blunt object. It was so funny, the way she could be so shocked by Baxter's womanizing comments, but could still separate them from every other lovable quality about him. She adored Baxter, we all did. And besides, his thoughts were always more entertaining than harmful. By the way, did I mention how turned on I was, hearing him talk about sex? I honestly think Jeff opened a Pandora's box by getting me to notice Bax as more than a good friend. Now I find myself thinking about the softness of his eyes, and the smooth skin on the sides of his neck, and his strong hands, and the way the fabric of his pants stretches so teasingly over his thighs. And did I mention the way his kissably pink lips perfectly matched the golden color of his hair? Bax was still Bax, don't get me wrong. But I still found myself gazing dreamily at him from time to time. I develop crushes on the strangest people sometimes.
Jeff and Baxter went back and forth about him actually asking Jessie Turner out before it was too late. The party was just a few days away afterall. And April was involved in her music at the moment. So as I sat back, still tired from the day, the quiet hum of the car and the scrolling scenery around us, I closed my eyes for a second to keep them from burning. I didn't sleep, I could still hear everything going on around me, but it felt good to give my dry eyes a rest. Soooo good. "What do you think, Donnie?" Baxter asked.
"Think about what?"
"Do you think I can get Jessie to give me a handjob on the first date?"
I couldn't help but giggle to myself. "Hehehe, dude...don't even involve me in that plan of action. Not on any level."
"You guys are such pussies. I thought gay men were supposed to be sensitive." He said.
Jeff laughed, "What the hell is there to be 'sensitive' about when it comes to getting a handjob on the first date from a girl you hardly know?"
"I've got all NIGHT to get to 'know' her...and then, AFTER the date, while we're kissing and making out someplace quiet, I figure...if I just unzip my jeans and bring out the 'baloney pony', she might kinda just...you know...gimmee a little beef tug." Suddenly, April sprang forward from the back seat and smacked Baxter hard on the side of the head. "OWWW! What the fuck, April? I'm DRIVING!"
"You are SUCH a pig, Baxter Trent! You know that?"
Baxter rubbed the side of his head, grinning a bit. "Jesus...hehehe! I thought you couldn't hear me with those things on."
"Of COURSE I can hear you! As if me NOT hearing you would be much of an excuse!" April said, giving him another shove as he apologized with a smirk.
"I'm SORRY! I'm sorry! Geez..."
She pouted for a moment as Jeff, Baxter, and I, all looked at each other with goofy smiles on our faces. We all wanted to say something, but we knew the next person to open their mouth was gonna get slapped, big time. She looked over at me while I tried to keep a straight face. "Oh I see, you think this is funny, do ya?"
"No...I just remember how much fun you used to be before you became a 'girl' on us." She reached over and pinched my arm as I pulled away from her, but was happy to see a grin return to her lips. Albeit a frustrated one.
Then she looked out the window and mumbled to herself, "If that girl gives you a handjob on the first date, I swear to God, I'm gonna break her arms."
Which Bax followed up with, "If that girl gives me a handjob on the first date, you can photograph it and I'll let you put it in the yearbook...and THEN you can break her arms."
That reminded me, "Oh yeah, the yearbook thing! How did that go yesterday? Did you get in?"
"Don't even get me started on that." She huffed.
Jeff told me, "It seems that the results are coming in a bit late while they try to decide which ones they want, and all of the pictures haven't even been turned in yet. So now our little shutterbug has to wait until Friday."
She grinded her teeth a bit, saying, "I've been on pins and needles about this project for God knows how long. And now I have to wait until Friday because some procrastinating slackers decided to wait until the last minute to get their shit in. Like I NEED more frustration in my life right now."
"You almost say that like you won't get the green light." I assured her, and she gave me a simple half smile. "Come on. You KNOW you're in. You're pictures are awesome, I'm sure they noticed that. So...quit worrying about it and just wait for them to tell you how great you are. Alright?"
"Heh...look who's telling somebody to stop worrying." She said, but I saw a playful blush in her cheeks anyway.
Bax's car came to a stop in front of my house, and he said, "James' residence. You...out!" I guess it doesn't get much more simple than that. I climbed out of the back seat and waved goodbye to everybody in the car. For a while there, I almost felt...normal again. How cool is that? Finally getting back to yourself. I must have seemed so crazy to them over the last week. I seriously have got to a get a grip.
Dinner with my parents that night was a bit strange. Whatever weirdness my dad thinks I have about this house, he evidently passed it on to my mom in some sort of private conversation before dinner. A few questions were asked about whether or not I was happy with the move, or if I was feeling homesick for our old house. It's not like we moved to Phoenix or anything. And since Bax has a car, I can see my friends pretty much anytime that I want to. I didn't know why that would be an issue. But they're 'parents', and I'm a teenager, and we've kinda reached that stage where we just don't know what the hell to do with another. The only difference is, I'm not the one trying. Sheesh, the quicker I'm done with dinner, the better.
I went upstairs and started yawning pretty early. I guess after so many days of me having trouble sleeping, it was to be expected. I finished all of my homework except for one little piece that I was sure I could finish in study hall tomorrow. And there really wasn't any reason for me to stay up, so I told my parents goodnight and climbed into bed. I knew that they could see the dark circles forming under my eyes. When I looked in the bathroom mirror that night, even I had to stare at them. They were getting dark. Layered. My eyes didn't even look the same. I hope that goes away. Otherwise, I'm gonna end up looking 80 by the time I reach my 18th birthday.
I turned out the light next to my bed, and relaxed myself into the comfortable sheets and blankets that surrounded me. My spirit was already being dragged into the depths of sleep, and there was a few bief moments...where I was scared to let it take me. I didn't know what to expect. But that fear only kept my eyes open for a few minutes longer. It couldn't keep me awake forever. Not by a long shot.
I woke up with a bit of a stretch, my face frowned up as I realized that I had been yanked out of my sleep by an annoying noise. That pounding. That repetitive thump, thump, thumping on the other side of my bedroom wall. Right behind my headboard, it seemed. I tried to roll over in bed and not pay it any attention, but it only got louder. I felt the burn of frustration entering my bloodstream as I attempted to figure out what the hell that was. Thump...like a rock hitting the wall. Thump...like someone throwing it deliberately to create some kind of goddamned ruckus. Thump....followed by the familiar roll on the hard wood floor, as the ball bounced right back to the hand of its owner. Finally, I couldn't take anymore, and I sat straight up in my bed.
I rubbed my eyes, still hearing the sound, and put my hand against the wall to see if I could feel any vibrations. Nothing. I looked at the clock, and it clicked over to read 3 AM on the dot. Sighhhh, great. Just fucking great. I put my robe on and figured I'd see what the noise was about.
I walked out into the hall to hear my parents snoring in their bedroom, the door closed. I put on a robe on as the late October air chilled the hallway around me. It takes forever to heat this damn house. It's like.....it's....
And then, a moment of clarity. I've seen this before. I've done this before. My mind had fallen into its unusual pattern of dream logic...but I suddenly found myself fully awake again...within the dream. But something was different about it this time. More clear. More concrete. My so-called control over what was happening was completely nonexistant. I was merely a witness. A prisoner of the images surrounding me. And it was then that I remembered what's been happening to me every week at this same time. Late Tuesday night, early Wednesday morning...at 3 AM.
The thumping noise continued, even louder than last week...which was louder than the week before. And as always...as soons as I passed a certain point in the hallway, my bedroom door slammed shut, and the sound began to emanate from behind my wall instead. I turned around to in