If you're reading this...then you probably already know what this is all about. You've seen the countdown timer on the front page, and now know that my days with you all...are officially 'numbered'. I realze that some of you won't take this news very well. I realize that some of you won't care one way or the other. But a few years ago, I promised you that I would never just up and 'leave' you all without some kind of notice, a warning, or at least a note to let you know that I appreciate you all more than you can imagine. It's the very LEAST I can do after all the heart you have invested in me for the last six years. You guys have never just 'shut me out', and I won't do that to you either. So it's time for me to say goodbye.

You all knew from the very beginning that this couldn't last forever. Although I did have the greatest time pretending that it would. But reality sets in, times change, and eventually you begin to realize that things aren't working out for you the way they should. After all these years, I'm finally finding out that nice guys really DO finish last. And I'm sooo tired of finishing last. As much as I care for you, I need for my life to be mine again. What I need to survive, can no longer be found here. Not for me, and ot for you guys either. I can honestly say that I've done all I can.

Understand...this isn't some angry rant or anything. I promise. It's not like I just woke up one day and said, "Fuck this! I quit!" No....this has been a long time coming. You guys all know that, right? Everyday, you all are growing older, stronger, more independent, more experienced...it's beautiful. The folks that I have talked to over a long period of time...I've seen such a wonderful change in you! I've seen many of you find love, build meaningful friendships, come out of the closet, speak out for gay rights, reach past severe depressions, survive suicide, and truly help to create a world that you can be happy in. It's awesome to see. You guys need me less and less every single day, some don't need me at all anymore. I'll miss you always, but I know when it's time for you to move on.

Well....it's time for me to move on too. Because I'm not happy. Not as happy as I want to be. I'll be honest, I'm jealous. I want what you have. And my search for it has to take me elsewhere. For months now, I've barely been alive at all. Happy smiley faces, giggles, giving advice...it was fun and may have helped to numb the pain a bit, but it doesn't solve the problem. And I can't do this anymore. I can't BE this anymore. I hope you guys understand that.

The counter on the main page has been set for exactly ONE year, starting today (June 19th, 2004). That is ONE year given to me to complete all that I have started on this website. I gave my word that I wouldn't leave any of the stories 'open' if I could help it. I plan to keep my promise to the best of my ability. The past month or so, I have been making arrangements to 'settle my debts'....so to speak. Both online and offline. I will be concluding all of the series one by one, so expect them all to begin winding down individually. Your favorites, and your 'not so favorites'. I will also be burning through my email every week as quickly as possible to make sure that each and every single one of you who has taken the time to send me a letter in the past, will get some kind of reply. At LEAST once. I am working on clearing out my files, tossing out notes from my handwritten notebooks, erasing favorites...I want it all gone. When I go, the only thing left will be the site, hopefully bringing the same level of joy to future 'Shackers' that it once brought to you guys. That it will open someone's eyes to the experiences that you all shared here in the past. That was the Shack's purpose since its conception all those years ago, on a warm summer night in June.

I don't regret a single moment that I spent with ANY of you! Because of you, I've truly become a lot closer to myself than I ever thought possible. I have discovered things about myself that I never knew existed. I've come out to my best friends and others close to me. And I've gotten rid of a lot of demons here in the pages I've written for your entertainment. Everything from my most joyous moments, to my deepest depressions. From my most secret passions an fantasies, to my most devastatng heartbreaks and disappointments. I'm a better person for the experience. We all are. This website, for six long years, has been a huge set of shoulders to bear the world's problems for gay and questioning youth. LIVES have been saved here! Love has been found here. Unbreakable friendships have been formed. Suicides prevented both directly and indirectly. We've shared laughter here, we've shared tears here, we've vented our anger here. Through battles and blazes, through hijacking and internet attacks, through the horror of 9/11, through the losses of our closest friends online, and much much more. When you think back to all this place has been through, it's amazing that it still stands at all. But it does, and of that, I'm proud.

So...as I said...I am wrapping things up as you read this. But I will be working harder than ever to give you guys one HELL of a show for my last year here! To write with a passion that I never have before. I plan to go all out, not holding back at ALL, and push to be fucking WORTHY of you remembering me further down the line, in a time long from now. I refuse to be forgotten. Expect to see all of the series brought to a natural and touching conclusion in the next year. All of them. Then...no more. For the 7th anniversary, appropiately ending with the very LAST chapter of "New Kid In School", I plan to come back here and say goodbye to you all for the very last time. I won't be coming back. When it's done, it's done. I made sure to set the date to take care of it all. I haven't decided whether or not to leave my email address functional or not, but I probably won't. There won't be a need to sit back and watch you all slowly fade away and lose interest in anything I have to say when I'm not writing stories! Hehehe! I think that would hurt more than ANYTHING! Seriously though, who would I be to you without 'Comicality'? You'd be surprised how very little you would care. Not a self destructive statement, just a fact of life that you accept with time and experience.

I won't lie...I'm really going to miss you guys. The attention and the support that you've given me over the years has been more than I ever could have asked for. I can't imagine what it'll be like to not come home to a full mailbox and a new story to work on! Hehehe, I'll have more time than I'll know what to do with. But don't think that I won't be taking you guys with me in my heart. What you've done for me can never be repaid, and I'm truly grateful for my experiences here. When I'm 'gone', I want you all to spread the message in any way that you can. Let people know that you GIVE A DAMN! Don't just sit back and figure that the world will fix itself, or that you can put it in the hands of whatever bully seems to have won the majority's trust at the moment. Don't you dare let ANYONE make you feel worthless or like you don't matter to somebody. Because you do. I never thought that I had the talent or the ability to make a difference...and you guys have proven me wrong. I will always love you for that. Now it's your turn. Many of you who started out here have gone on to make other friends, start your own websites, write your own stories, have your own communities...use that to help the ones out there who need it. Use the opportunity to let them know they're not alone. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

I guess that's about it. I really hope you guys understand what I'm telling you. I have to do this, and no matter WHAT happens to me....(I hope I'm making this TOTALLY clear!!!)....no matter WHAT happens to me, it's up to you to carry on with all of the love and the support that this site had to offer. To keep it with you at all times. Don't let the memories you've gotten from this place simply 'fade to black' as though it never happened. I didn't do this for money, I didn't do this for fame, I didn't do this to get sex, or to trick anybody, or to secure any particular spots for myself in Heaven when I'm dead. I did this for the simple fact that I needed to share it with those who were loving and compassionate enough to listen. I did it because my soul was screaming out for someone to understand me, someone to take my hand and let me know that they gave a damn that I was ever even HERE. You did. You really did. And because of that, I've left a sufficent footprint behind to say that my life had some meaning while I was here with you all.

I'm sorry that I couldn't be here forever. I'm sorry that I wasn't stronger, or smarter, or better at communicating, or just...'more' for you. If I could have solved the problems in your lives, I would have. If only I could. I just hope that you know I cared about you. I tried, God KNOWS I tried. But I'm only human, and suffering in silence has its threshold. Still, it brings me comfort to know that it all ends on a high note. That, when I'm gone, it won't be in vain. From the age of about 7 or 8, until I was about 14 or 15, I lived through the kind of abusive horror that most of you only see in movies. But as I told most people in emails...if it took all of that to make the Shack possible, then I don't regret any of it. My father stole 7 years of my life...I'm glad that I was able to gain those years back by giving them to you all. I accomplished sooooo much more than I thought I would with this website, and I'll be extremely sad to see it go. It feels like my whole LIFE is written here in one way or another. In the end, I just want to be remembered as someone who tried to give back. You know? Please remember me. I'd hate to think that my time and effort was wasted here, to just be pushed aside later. Being forgotten is a nightmare for me. So just...think of me once in a while and smile, k?

That said...I hope you all enjoy this, our last summer together. And the next few months as I bring it all to a close. Just always remember that I love you, I appreciate you, I care for you. And one day, I'll be able to look back and know that, for a brief time in my life...I was a 'star' to somebody.