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Daylight.
Despite the merciless torture of its brightness on my tired eyes...it was a liberating sight to see. Because it meant that I beat him.
I crossed the line. I denied his control. Rejected his influence. Caleb Jordan has gotten his last free ride on my train of thought. Chucky was right When I actually take an active part in manipulating the details of the dream around him, he's powerless to stop me. He can't intrude anymore. Hell, he's not a 'HE' at all. It's just some stupid fabrication of my imagination that just got out of control because I didn't free dream like I was supposed to. I can beat this.
It was just an experiment. And I can stop it whenever I want to.
I got out of bed and took a nice long shower, just letting the warm water run through my hair for a while. Feeling my muscles relax as I took a few deep breaths and attempted to reconnect with the life I had before any of this madness started. When I stepped out to dry off, I wiped the mist off of the mirror and took a good look. I think it was the first time I had really taken a long hard look at my own reflection...and seeing the darkened circles under my eyes, I could clearly see why my friends were beginning to worry. My hair looked a bit thinner than usual. My eyes still a bit bloodshot. It was a moment that made me anxious to get back to normal as soon as possible. I guess I did push things a bit further than I should have.
I made a quick breakfast...hashbrowns, eggs, and some microwave pancakes. My mom left a note to tell me she'd be home late, and to have a good day at school. I ate in silence and was half way finished with a tall glass of cold milk when I heard the pleasantly vulgar call of the wild suburban 'Baxter' coming in through the window.
"Wake up, cock puppet! We're comin' in!" He shouted. And I smiled as I jumped up to get the door. It felt so good to see him that morning. That obnoxious smirk of his was never more welcome in my kitchen than it was at that particular moment. Jeff and April came in right behind him, and we were a family again Just that simple. The road back to being ordinary looked like it was going to be a short trip.
Jeff looked at me sideways and said, "Well YOU seem to be in a good mood today. What's up?"
"I am?" I didn't even realize that I was grinning until he pointed it out. I shrugged my shoulders and said, "I dunno. Hehehe, maybe it's just because I got a good night's sleep for a change."
"No big celebrity ass pound this time?" Baxter asked while grabbing a popsicle out of the freezer.
"Nah. I think I'm going to give the dream weaving thing a rest for now." I told them, and that seemed to make April's whole FACE light up. But she tried to hide her smile despite its unavoidable brightness.
"I'm glad, Donnie. Seriously." She said, and gave me a hug from the side, placing a comforting kiss on my cheek.
"It's about fucking time!" Bax added. "You were turning into a total nutcase on us, dude."
"You don't know the half of it." I said, as I looked over to see Baxter put the long red popsicle into his mouth and give it a long, wet, suck. The coolness of it against the heated cushion of Bax's kissable lips created small wisps of mist that nearly stopped me dead in mid sentence. I have REALLY got to stop noticing little things like that.
"So, April...today might be the big day, right?" I asked. Jeff gave me a signal to shut up, but I received it too late. "Oh...bad topic?"
April grumbled to herself for a bit, but was able to compose herself enough to speak "There's this...'rumor' going around that the committee is waiting for Chelsea Morton to turn her pictures in before they make any decisions. Little miss popular supposedly has pics of all the prettypeople at their so-called 'best'. Which pretty much means that my moody little pics of average, normal, everyday teenagers won't be god enough. They'd rather look at pics of prissy primadonnas and super jock assholes instead." April's shoulders fell as she looked down at the table and sarcastically laughed it off. "All of that hard work...down the tubes. And all because some prom queen with bigger tits decided to jump into the running for the sake of getting attention."
"Jesus, April..." I said. "You're acting like you already lost."
"Face it, Donnie...I did. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not one of the pretty people."
Jeff was quick to jump in, "April, get off of that! You're beautiful. You KNOW you're beautiful. Right Bax?"
"Make-up would help..." Bax started, but Jeff backslapped him in the gut before he got it all out of his mouth. "...WHAT??? April knows she's hot. April...you're hot. Ok?"
"Gee, thanks." She said, attempting to lift her mood a bit, but without much luck.
"I tried." Baxter said with a shrug of his shoulders. "Now..about this girl, Chelsea....exactly how big are her tits..." Another slap in the gut, and Jeff set Bax straight once again.
I took April's hand. "It's just a rumor, right? For all you know, it's just a bunch of bullshit. Your pictures are MORE than just some high school popularity fluff and predictable photos of the class elite. Your stuff has emotion...and depth. They'll see that when they put the pics side by side." I tried to give April some encouragement, but as always, she was quick to brush off the mask of the 'sad clown' and changed the subject to us getting out of there and going to school. And as always, I didn't push it further than she wanted it to go. But I was hoping that she'd talk to me about it more in depth later on. She has a habit of letting these things bug her more than they should.
I locked up the house and we went out to Baxter's car. Jeff accidentally 'touched' Bax's car door with his backpack as he opened it for me and April to climb into the backseat, and Bax gave him the usual 'respect the ride' speech before getting in himself. April climbed in first...and I was getting ready to go in afterwards...but something stopped me.
I looked down at the concrete driveway beneath my feet as I heard the sound of something rolling towards me. The driveway slanted downwards slightly from the house to the street, and as I looked back at my front door...I noticed a baseball slowly rolling in my direction. It was a wobbly pattern, but definitely headed in my direction. I felt myself take a deep breath and hold it as the blood drenched object continued its journey, and finally came to a stop as it rolled right up against my shoe. I stared at it for a moment or two, my mind frozen. It's not real. It's not supposed to be real.
"Hellooooo?" April said, shaking me out of my daze.
I looked up and saw the three of them standing there staring at me. Bax from the driver's side of the car, Jeff holding the door open, and April waiting for me to get in. "I...I just...did you just see...?" But when I looked down again...the ball was gone. The tiny trail of blood was gone. And I was left looking like some kind of crazy person.
"Anytime today, spazoid." Bax said, and sat down in the car.
I looked back at April, and she asked me what was wrong. "Nothing. I'm just...I'm still half asleep, that's all." I worked up a smile, and wiped my mind clean of the memory. No doubt a side effect of dreaming so much. I'm totally going insane these days. We all got in and took off for, what I now know, was going to be a very long day.
We split up once we got to school, and I was hoping to actually 'enjoy' my first day of being fully awake again. But things began to tumble downhill once I got to Mr. Lipton's first period English class.
Not that Mr. Lipton was ever in a good mood, really...but today was one of those days that I had to simply avoid making any eye contact whatsoever, just to keep him from picking on me more than usual. I could never understand why he hated me so much. Why he hated EVERYTHING so much! I mean, Jesus...does he know how HARD it is for me to pour my time and energy into his little writing assignments? Just so he can sit back all angry and shit, and complain about what's wrong with it. It's so easy to criticize when you've got nothing to lose by tearing down someone else's spirit every day. Someone should make HIM bare his soul on paper, and then have it ripped apart right in front of him so he knows how it feels to be so miserable over it.
He made sure to stand over me with a shake of his head as he handed me another 'C+' paper.Arrrgh!!! What the fuck do I have to do to IMPRESS this man??? He's fucking up my whole GPA with this bullshit! My English grade for this semester alone is going to make this my worst high school year to date if he keeps this up! I looked at the 'notes' he left for me, and they were the exact OPPOSITE of the ones he left last time! Last time he said my writing lacks detail...THIS time he's like, 'too much detail, cut it down.' Last time he said I had too many run on sentences...THIS time he said to expand on the visuals! He complains about EVERYTHING!!! I can't hand it even the SIMPLEST of assignments without him complaining and whining about SOMETHING!!! Mr. Lipton sat back down at his desk, and I looked him right in the face as I took my paper and crumpled it up into a tight wad, ready for the fucking TRASH! If he wants to fail me so bad, then why doesn't he just DO it and stop playing this stupid game with me? I'm not gonna waste my time writing papers that he's just gonna berate me and find fault with every fucking word I put on the page! God...I *HATE* him!
On top of everything else, he gives us a surprise test on a book that we read over a MONTH ago! Can he even DO that? And all the answers had to be essay answers too. I swear...one of these days I'm gonna go to that man's house and burn it to the fucking ground just for kicks.
I sat at my desk, reading through the test questions, and reached into my backpack for some notebook paper to write my answers on, as well as an extra pen. Mr. Lipton was walking around the room...as though you could really cheat on an 'essay question', dumbass. But my anger was mellowed as something caught my attention. I pulled a folder out of my bag, and the second that I opened it up..I saw Caleb's face. The pictures and all of the research that I had done on him...it was in my English folder.
But...
I don't remember putting it there.
In fact, I distinctly remember keeping all of this stuff in another folder entirely. A red folder. One that I was sure that I left at home this morning.
The pictures haunted me for a moment, and the second the eyes in that photo met mine...I began to feel that alien 'pull' on my senses again. Drawing me back in. Trying to force me into a state of drowsiness that was difficult to resist. And that's when Mr. Lipton passed by my desk.
He reached down and took the top picture and looked at it closely. Immediately a sense of utter humiliation set in, and he basically tossed it back down to my desk, closing my folder for me. Then he leaned over, and in a 'not so quiet' voice in front of the rest of the class, he said, "You know, Donald...maybe the reason your grades are so low in my class, is because you're too busy with your head in the clouds to concentrate. Next time, why don't you leave the pretty little pictures at home. Or at least hang them up in your locker where they belong." What the fuck was THAT supposed to mean??? Was that a shot at me for being gay? Is THAT what he's doing now? That's it! Just ONE more comment...just ONE more...and I'm getting him FIRED! I don't care if I have to tell the principal he 'touched' me...I want him GONE!
I angrily shoved the folder back into my backpack, and contemplated just walking out of his class, if for no other reason than to make a statement that I was sick of his bullshit. But as that subtle pull on my consciousness got stronger...I found myself having to yank it back into a waking state of mind. I'm NOT even fucking tired! This is all just my imagination. Caleb doesn't exist. I'm done with that garbage, and I'm not going to let it run me to the nearest looney bin! I fought the urge to shut my eyes, and angrily defied his silent 'call'. And within moments...the sensation faded. Easily fixed. Getting rid of him was just a matter of me taking control, that's all. Taking complete control.
Despite Mr. Lipton's fucked up attitude, the rest of the morning went pretty well. In fact, I even stopped by the second floor chem lab to tell Chucky that his ideas about taking charge had worked out beautifully, and to let him know that I was definitely going to lay off of the dreaming for a while. Hell, to be honest, I look forward to having just plain old regular dreams again. Something surprising, and weird, and sometimes 'sexy'. Hehehe! The thing about the subconscious is...it's not really made to be messed with, you know? Nobody knows how dreams work, or what they even ARE, really. And maybe it's not something we were really meant to know. Some things are better off remaining a mystery, I suppose.
I was walking down the hall when Jeff jogged over to talk to me for a second. "Dude...tell me something! What do you think about the Crow?" He asked me.
"What? Like...the movie?"
"No. As a costume! I could totally get some make up and just wear a tight black t-shirt or something. Right?"
"Jeff, the party is the day after tomorrow. You still don't know what you wanna be?" I asked.
"I will once you tell me what you think of my Crow idea."
"Honestly?"
"Honestly."
"It's a bit outdated. You'd be better off going as Neo from the Matrix or something."
Jeff thought it over a bit, and said, "Well...I could just...I could..." Then he sighed in frustration. "...You suck, Donnie."
"Dude, I thought you were going as a soldier or something to compliment April?"
"I know, but I looked at myself yesterday in the mirror, and it just seemed so...'plain', you know? I mean it's Halloween for crying out loud. I wanna do more than just...change my clothes, you know?"
I let my wheels spin for a second, and then I told him, "You know what you should do? You should totally go as a zombie soldier. Make up and blood and stuff...might be cool." His eyes opened wide and he grinned from ear to ear.
"Aw dude, that's GENIUS! And cheap! Which is a plus!" He said. "Don't tell April I'm doing myself up that way though, she'll have a cow."
I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of this potentially 'dangerous' situation. "Hehehe, you're going to show up with ghastly make up and morbid blood soaked clothes to a party...and NOT inform your date ahead of time? She'll kick your ass from now to Christmas if you get blood on her princess dress."
"Ahhh, she'll understand." He said, and I gave him a sideways look. "Ok, so she WON'T understand. But that's exactly why I'm not going to tell her until it's too late. See? Perfect plan."
"If you say so..." I started, and then...I saw Austin standing just outside of the main stairwell, and was instantly frozen into a state of total infatuation. Jeff was busy talking to me about...um....'something'....something completely unrelated to the beauty standing not more than 30 feet away from me, and I slowed down my pace to make sure that I didn't pass him up too fast. I'll be damned if I didn't take the time to get a good look a him.
"...I'm just thinking that my gym teacher is pretty much a psychopath for the way he acts when he thinks nobody is watching. He's got some serious issues, that man." Jeff said as he suddenly realized that I wasn't paying him any attention at all. He looked up and saw the object of my affection squatting down to tie his shoe, and gave me a nudge in the side.
"What? I'm...I'm listening." I said, still lost in a dreamy haze.
"Listening to what? I didn't say anything." He grinned, and gave me another poke..practically pushing me in Austin's direction. I pushed back for a second, but Jeff started pushing even harder, and it was causing enough commotion to get Austin to look up and give me one of the most heartbreaking smiles ever created.
"Hey, Donnie." He said, his rosy lips giving my name such a sweet vibration as the words left his mouth. GAWD....he's gorgeous!
"Hi..uh...hey!" I said, still feeling Jeff's finger in the small of my back, still secretly pushing me forward. I quickly swatted his hand off of me and dug my sneakers into the hallway tile before I got close enough to this hottie to get majorly burned. "So...coming out of the library, huh?" What the fuck kind of STUPID question is that??? I look like a jackass! It's his fault for being so uncontrollably sexy!
"Hehehe...ummm...yeah. Looks that way." He said with a slight blush. Is he being awkward? Is he being shy? I won't be able to STAND it if he's being shy around me! I'll dive down on my knees and rip the pants right off of him with my TEETH if he so much as bats his lashes at me from under that canopy of soft blond curls. "So are we still on for the party this weekend? I'm definitely looking forward to it." He said, and then kinda leaned to the side to see Jeff, who was timidly hiding behind me the entire time and staring in silence with a goofy grin on his face. "Hiya, Jeff."
"Omigod..." Jeff blurted out with a slightly boyish whine. His eyes widened when he realized what he just said. And then, after a brief, but awkward, pause...he turned a deep shade of red, covered the front of his pants with a history book and mumbled, "I've gotta go to class...." Then he totally ABANDONED me there! Wasn't talking to Austin HIS idea??? COWARD!!!
"Jeff..." But he was already too far gone for me to reel him back in now. I snapped my head back to see Austin with the strangest look on his face.
"Is he alright?" He asked.
"Far from it. But who cares, right?" I grinned, hoping that my nervous joke would keep that little display from looking TOO weird. After all...I don't want him to know that I'm practically 'drooling' over him just yet.
He shook his head and said, "So did you come up with something cool to wear to the party?" He started walking to his next class, and I naturally just...started walking at his side. Of course, MY class was in the other direction...but my shaky legs wouldn't let me pass up the opportunity to spend time with him. Even if it was only a few minutes.
"Yeah." I said, and almost forgot to follow that up with something. "Oh...I mean...I'm going as the wolfman. Like...the classic Lon Chaney one, you know? I've got a mask, and my friend, April is gonna help me with the outfit and claws and stuff, so..." I kept trailing off in my conversation, my focus snatched away by the beauty of his bright sky blue eyes. There was something about the way Austin looked at you that made you fall in love over and over again. It was a jittery sensation that you could feel in your stomach whenever those heavenly eyes landed their sensual gaze upon you. And his voice...wow. Austin talks to you, and it feels like he's been in love with you his whole life. There's something about it that just gives you the impression that you're the only person in the room. It's a mind-blowing experience.
"Very classic. I like it." He said, as I tried to look away from him long enough to keep from running into something. "I found a couple more things to add to my costume. Awesome idea about the vampire thing, by the way So thanks."
"Uh huh..." I said softly. A gentle blush came to my cheeks, but I was more worried about the tingling sensation heading south to my stiffening rod. I did all I could to keep myself from springing a woody right in front of him...but it wasn't easy.
"So...I've been kinda meaning to ask you, Donnie...I mean, are you going with anybody? To the party, I mean?"
"My uh...my friends and I are going..."
"No...I mean, like...going with anybody." He said. "Like...I didn't know if this thing was for bringing 'dates' and whatnot? So, I was just wondering..." I think the next few seconds of conversation was a complete and total blur for me. I couldn't repeat what else he said to me if I tried. Because, as I listened to his voice, and marveled at the combination of his blond curls and sexy blue eyes and kissable rose colored lips...I was suddenly overpowered by the frightening idea that he might actually be..asking me out to the party! Like...not just us going together as a group as we had planned. But actually asking me to be his...his DATE! It rattled me to the very core. My mouth went dry. My knees wobbled. My breath seemed to leave me all at once and my heart stopped beating. And when he called my name, "Donnie?" I remained stuck in a daze for another second or two before I was able to respond
"Oh...I'm sorry, what?"
"I was asking if we were supposed to bring a date to the party."
"Right." I said...praying that the next words out of my mouth would be the right ones. "Umm...no. Cory didn't say anything about...bringing a date." Then I managed to take a quick breath and add, "But...you CAN bring a date if you really wanted to. I mean...if you were thinking about...asking somebody...I'm sure they'd love to go....with you." I began to tremble so hard inside that it was becoming difficult to walk straight.
Austin smiled bashfully, and said, "Well, I mean...I don't really know anybody in this place yet. I've met a few cool people, but you're the only person I've really had any kind of connection with so far." Omigod....he said we have a 'connection'! Ahhhhhh! I am DYING inside right now!!!
"Really?" I whined by mistake. It just came out that way. Am I being a total sissy right now, or what?
"Yeah." He said quietly. "I'm glad though. You and your friends seem really cool. I guess I got lucky, huh?"
My hands began to shake a bit, and my breath was short, but I almost did it. I was JUST about to ask him if maybe he and I could kinda....go together. It would be a bold move, and a MAJOR leap of faith on my part. But if there was even the SLIGHTEST chance that Austin might like boys, and might like ME, and might want to ask me out on a date but was too scared to make the first move...it would be worth the risk. I can't just throw away a gift like this. What if he likes me? I mean, what if he's trying to give me a hint, and I just let it pass me by? I'll be kicking myself for the rest of my LIFE if I don't at least try!
So I gathered up some courage, puffed up my chest a little, and prepared to speak. Jesus, he's hot! "Well, Austin...I mean if you wanna go with somebody..."
Just as I was about to make my big move, the fucking bell rang, and Austin said, "Ah shit, I'm late. I've gotta run, dude. I'm sorry. My Chemistry teacher is a beast when it comes to tardiness. I'll see ya soon though, right?"
SAY SOMETHING!!! Don't let him run off NOW!!! Not *NOW*!!! "Umm...ok. Yeah...later." NO!!! Don't say GOODBYE, you idiot! Call him back! I struggled, and I fidgeted, and I squirmed. Watching Austin hurry into a light jog to get to his next class. And when I just couldn't take anymore, I shouted out, "Austin!"
He stopped and turned around, still walking backwards, but giving me his attention. "Yeah? What's up?"
My mouth opened, and my lips quivered a bit, as I tried to think of some kind of flirtatious and honest approach to asking him out. One that I could deliver to him in the 10 second window that I was being given. But I couldn't find the words. I TRIED...but I just couldn't do it. Not under that kind of pressure. So, my shoulders fell slightly, and I said, "Nothing. Forget it. I'll...I'll tell you later."
"Alright. Cool. See ya then!" And he turned back around to continue his journey away from me.
"Sighhhh....shit." I whispered to myself as I watched Austin's intense beauty disappear around the next corner. The rest of the hallway began to quickly empty out, and I had a long walk back to my own class. I'd be late, but who cared at that point, right?
I started walking back the way I came, in no particular hurry to reach my destination...and that's when I heard a slight hissing sound coming from the side of me. For a second, I could have sworn that it was coming from one of the lockers. Then...the sound of fingernails scratching the metal from the inside. Confused, I stepped a bit closer, and tried to look inside through the tiny slits at the top. I couldn't see much of anything, so I pressed my ear up against the locker door.
"Donnnnnnniiieeeeeee......" Said a low whispered voice. "DONNIE!!!" It shouted, and banged at the door hard from the inside, hurting my ear and knocking me back on the floor! I sat up and watched in horror as the locker began to bend and dent from the loud, hard, knocking, inside. As though some powerful monster were attempting to get out of it. I crawled back up against the lockers on the other side of the hall, and gasped as the knocking began to erupt from the ones behind me as well. In fact, the entire hall turned into a symphony of terrifyingly loud noises. I scrambled to get to my feet...and ran down the hall until the noise came to a sudden stop. Leaving only the sound of my ragged breathing to keep me company.
The halls were silent.
Empty
I held my breath...but my heart was still pounding hard enough to make my shirt vibrate.
My eyes roamed all over the area around me, and that's when I heard the voice again. "Donnie...why won't you talk to me anymore?" The whispers echoed off of the walls, and once I recognized it, I knew that Caleb was trying to force his way back in.
I shut my eyes tight. And I told myself, "This isn't real. This is a dream. It's a harmless figment of my imagination." I heard a loud rumbling, and opened my eyes again as I saw a pair of phantom hands pushing and stretching their way towards me from behind the wall. The paint cracked as the wall stretched inward like an old bed sheet, but Caleb still couldn't come in. "It's only a dream. Don't crack up, now, Donnie. It's over. He can only come in if you want him to."
"Donnnnnnniiieeeeeee......" It said with an eerie playfulness. "...C'mon, Donnie...I just wanna talk Can we at least talk?"
I'm not going to make things worse by acknowledging his supposed 'presence'. I'm just gonna keep walking to class. And that's all there is to it. I hoisted my backpack up on my shoulder, and navigated the empty hallway, hoping to get back to class so this little daydream can come to an end.
But with every step forward...the walls moved. They warped in shape, almost 'liquid' ripples covering them from top to bottom. "Donnie? Donnie?" The whispers were coming from all sides now, and I picked up the pace. The ceiling and the floor began to change shape...and thick streams of blood poured from the slits of every locker lining the hallway simultaneously. I noticed a rancid odor filling my nostrils, and despite my attempts to pull myself out of the dream...the realism of it all only succeeded in giving Caleb more control. "Donnie? Donnnnnnniiieeeeeee....."
"STOP IT!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" I screamed, walking even faster than before.
"You told me you loved me. Don't you remember? Why don't you want me anymore?" The voice asked, and I jumped as I saw Caleb's bloody reflection in a nearby window. He was standing right behind me, one arm around my waist, and the other draped across my chest...holding me close as he turned to kiss me lovingly on the cheek. I INSTANTLY spun around to see if he was there, but couldn't see anything at all. I looked back at the reflection, and was repulsed as a long black forked tongue 'oozed' out of his lips, and lustfully licked my cheek. Even though I could only see him in the reflection, I could feel the ice cold wetness of his lewd invasion, and it nearly made me sick.
I hurried away from the window, and put my back in a corner. "Why are you doing this? What are you?"
"I love you, Donnie. I just want you to love me back. That's all. Why are you being like this?"
"You're not...real. You're not...you're not..."
"STOP saying that!!!" He snapped, causing a thunderous vibration to sure through the walls "I HATE it when you talk like that!!! What the fuck do I have to do to PROVE to you that I love you? When are you going to stop pushing me away and just TALK to me???"
"Caleb...you're...you're not supposed to be here. Don't you understand...this isn't...'reality'. Somehow you ended up in the wrong place..." I said, my voice trembling as my mind began to submit to the helplessness of the situation. "Please, Caleb....let me out. Please?"
"Out out out! You ALWAYS want out! What about what *I* want, huh???" He said, and I began to see Caleb materialize right in front of my eyes. A bit blurry at first, but the more I believed in him, the clearer his image became. He moved towards me, and I pressed myself as tight up against that corner as my body would allow. "Oh, stop it! What's the matter with you? You weren't acting like this before." He reached out to touch my face with his hand, and I shut my eyes and turned my head as his frigid fingers came into contact with my cheek. My reaction..made Caleb VERY angry. "WHAT THE *FUCK* ARE YOU SO SCARED OF!!!" He shouted, and the storm outside began to bubble and boil with a turbulence that rattled the windows. The lights flickered on and off, and I heard the sound of a rolling baseball as it came around a nearby corner and stopped for a moment. I looked over at it, and Caleb turned to do the same. His reaction to it was one of despair. Covered in blood as always, the ball sat in the middle of the hall, as though it were watching our every move. The image of it was the only thing strong enough to calm Caleb down. "Donnie...I'm sorry, ok? I know that I get mad sometimes. I don't mean to make bad things happen. But I can't help myself." He leaned forward to kiss me on the cheek, and I remained paralyzed. Trapped in that corner with no means of escape. "I just...I dream about you all the time. I see what you're doing. More and more, I get little pieces of you life, and...I want to be a part of it, Donnie. I want us to be together."
"This is my dream. Do you hear me?" I said, attempting to make a stand. Albeit a very weak one. "It's MY dream. And you don't belong here. I want you gone."
He paused for a moment, and told me, "I'm not going anywhere." There was such a sinister tone to the way he said it. Such a sense of pure wickedness. I looked into his eyes, which had now returned to their splendidly forest green color, and tried to mentally 'wish' him out of existence. But despite my efforts, nothing would work. "I'm not leaving, Donnie. You can't make me go away. I'm not going to let you just turn your back on me! I'm not going to let you break my heart like the others! You're GOING to love me like I deserve to be loved, and you're going to stay here with me whether you like it or not!" His hands rested, palms down, on my chest...and he tried to contain his emotions as they slowly slid upward. "Now...I know that it's hard for you to believe me. But it's true, Donnie. I really do care for you. Your kiss is all I can think about. I mean, can you blame me for not wanting to 'share' you with anybody else?" His hands slid further upward, until I felt his cold touch reach my throat...and gave it a light squeeze. "Just...give me a chance to prove it to you, Donnie. I'll show you. I'll show you how much I love you. And then you can put all this silliness aside and let things go back to the way they were. All I need is a chance. A chance to demonstrate how much you mean to me. Consider it a gift...for the boy of my 'dreams'." He said, and I felt him squeeze my throat even tighter...his eyes returning to an unimaginable void of blackness. "Just make sure that you're not looking to...replace me with someone else. That would hurt me, Donnie. And I don't like it when you hurt me." I began to cough and struggle as my windpipe was closed shut...and I felt the warm trickle of blood on my neck from a gaping wound on his wrist. I fought with him as best as I could once my air supply became desperately low...but his hands were so strong So very strong. "Don't make me do it. Don't make me hurt you, Donnie. You'd be surprised what I've discovered since I've been here...in this place." Caleb's voice changed to a demonic roar, and the last words he said to me were, "We'll be together. Just you and me.....forever."
Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I screamed out loud, slamming my back against a nearby wall. What I saw was a school teacher clutching her chest from the shock of my reaction, and looking at me like I was some kind of psycho. "What do you think you're doing out here?" She asked, trying to catch her breath.
I looked around me...trying to get a bearing on my surroundings. Trying to reconnect to a solid reality. I was standing in the exact same place that I was when I watched Austin run around that corner to go to class. I checked my watch...and seven minutes had past. Had I been standing still all that time? Or was I..elsewhere? The teacher repeated her question, and I could hardly bring myself to answer her. "I'm...I'm going to class." I said.
She gave me a curious look, and then said, "Well get to it then. You're late. No wandering the halls. Move it."
My throat was sore. Burning from being squeezed so tightly. I could still feel the chill of Caleb's icy grip on me. And as I started walking, measuring step after step to make sure it connected to solid ground...it made me wonder...
Just how much of this dream is make-believe?
And how much of it isn't?
Every time someone dropped a pen, every time someone slammed a locker door shut, every time my walk down those crowded hallways seemed just a little bit too calm from what I was used to...I had to ask myself if I was really there. Was it really happening, or was I dreaming again? I had to constantly do these random checks just to be sure. Looking at clocks to see if the numbers moved. Looking in my textbooks to see if the letters were scrambled or backwards. I had to look out of the window every five minutes to make sure that the turbulent storm that seemed to follow Caleb everywhere he went wasn't coming to consume me again. My sense of reality had never felt so unstable before. My world had never been so fragile. Ready to crack under the pressure of me trying to maintain some kind of balance in it's surreal presentation.
I avoided almost everyone in that building for the rest of the day. Even running out for the bus after school before Bax and the others could drive me home. The nightmare always comes for me in moments of familiarity. That was the first thing I learned. It'll be a trick. Yeah...a TRICK. I won't let him in. It's not REAL! I'm keeping him out of my thoughts, and that's final.
That night, while I was at home sitting at the dinner table, my parents kept exchanging looks as if they were waiting for the other to speak up about something being seriously wrong with me. Finally, my mom came right out and asked me, "Donnie, honey? Why do you keep looking at the clock?"
"Huh? Oh...no reason." I said. Luckily, the numbers remained the same. Unchanged. Real. Still, the whole time I was sitting at the table with them...I was looking around the room to keep myself anchored in the real world. Peeking over my shoulder, to make sure he wasn't standing there....waiting. Is this dinner real? Is the carpet the same color? Are the walls the same color? Are the pictures and magnets on the fridge in the same position? Are my parents acting strange? Or am I imagining that? The feeling was driving me MAD! And the whole time...that 'pull' on my conscious refused to let me go. Trying to force me to go to sleep. Trying to get me to submerge myself in the fantasy once again. It kept me drowsy to the point where I was yawning every 90 seconds. My body trying to circulate enough oxygen within to stay awake.
"Donnie, you don't look good." My dad told me. "Maybe you should finish eating and turn in a bit early tonight. You've been studying an awful lot lately, and..."
"I'm ok. Really. I don't need to go to sleep. I'm fine. I'm...yeah, I'm fine." I said, not even sure if I could trust THIS moment as being one of 'sanity'. Or....or was this little conversation a part of the dream? A part of Caleb's deception? Something my subconscious is piecing together from previous conversations? I looked at my father sideways for a moment...wondering if I'd see any tell tale signs of him being a figment of my imagination. But he looked at me with confusion in return.
"Donnie?" My mother asked. "Your father and I...we realize that this new place may take a bit of adjustment..."
But then my father jumped in, "We're worried that the big move into this house is maybe...affecting you in a negative way. Or...or maybe there's something going on at school?"
"Is it....'boy' problems, honey? Because we'll understand if you want to talk about that too, you know. We won't be weirded out by it." My mom added, always the 'it's ok to be gay' cheerleader.
"We want you to talk to us, Donnie. Whatever it is. You haven't been yourself, lately. And we're concerned about you." My dad said. They were both staring at me and the dark rings under my eyes from different sides of the dinner table, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
"No...Mom, Dad, honestly...the house is fine. School is fine. LIFE is fine. I just...I haven't been...sleeping well lately. So, I just kinda look like...garbage. That's all."
"Why don't you take a little break from things? Remember when your cousin, Sean, had that really nasty bout of insomnia? He was overworked, and run down, but he couldn't sleep. All he needed was a few days' break to keep his mind from worrying about so much at once." She said. "If you think you need to talk to a sleep therapist or anything to maybe get yourself right again..."
"Hehehe, Mom, I told you I'm ok. The LAST thing I need right now is more sleep. Trust me on this." I put on as comforting a smile as I could. I could never accuse my parents of being unsupportive, they've been there with unconditional love ever since I first came out to them. But they've also convinced themselves that my life was suddenly going to get, like, a billion times harder just because I was gay. If anything, coming out of the closet made things a lot easier. I was lucky that way. In a LOT of ways, actually. Still...the slightest hint of trouble and my parents think I'm on the verge of some kind of emotional breakdown. That's one extra problem that I don't want to have to deal with right now. I'm having enough trouble getting my head straight as it is.
I had to sit through another five minutes of them trying to get me to 'talk', and then another five of them asking me random, supposedly 'subtle', questions to see what was going on in my life. As though they'd find some kind of major clue that I was hiding before. I swear, I worked extra hard just to scarf down what was left of my dinner just so I could be excused from the table and avoid any further interrogation. They're being weirdos. But I guess that's part of a parent's job, huh?
I went upstairs to my room, trying to find ways to keep my mind occupied. Wondering if I should even allow myself to sleep at all. There was some instant coffee in the kitchen cupboard. If I was quiet enough about warming up some water in the microwave, I wouldn't tip my parents off to the fact that I was trying to stay awake. So I waited until they were comfortable and watching TV in their bedroom, and I went down to the kitchen, quietly filling a mug up with hot water. As the microwave started up, I went into the cabinet for the coffee and some sugar, and then went to reach for a spoon out of the silverware drawer. But I stopped and yanked my hand back when I saw what was on top of the counter.
A baseball...sitting in a puddle of blood. And next to it, a razor blade. One of those thin rectangular ones that you get at the hardware store. And it was standing on one point, the sharpened tip stuck in the counter surface.
I heard a 'beep' as the microwave finished, and I only took my eyes off of the shocking sight for a moment. But when I looked back, it was gone.
I did another reality check for the room around me, and everything seemed to be in place. I couldn't understand why this was happening. I couldn't understand why I couldn't keep my life and my dreams separate anymore. I was quick to fix the coffee and go back to my room. I had to stay awake. I had to. The more I go back into the dream, the stronger he gets. I've got to stay away from him until I can figure out what to do.
The coffee was too hot to drink right away, although I did take a few sips when I could. I was feeling fatigued. Drained. So I picked up the phone and called Jeff, hoping that he could keep me awake. "Hello?" He said with a sniffle.
"Jeff?"
"Oh...hey, Donnie."
"Dude, are you crying?"
"Yeah...it's this damn movie I'm watching, 'The Cure'. It's soooo sad. God, I HATE watching movies that make me cry like this." Then I heard him blow his nose as more tears ran down his cheeks. "You know how sensitive I get about these things."
"So why are you watching it then?"
"Because..." He whimpered, almost sobbing now. "...Brad Renfro was just too damn hot in this movie for me to turn the channel..." He had to reach for another tissue. I swear, that boy's hormones are always at work, even more than mine. And that's an accomplishment.
"Listen, can you talk to me for a little bit. I'm just...I'm trying to stay awake."
"Awake? Why are you trying to stay awake? It's like 11:30 already. We've got school tomorrow."
"I know, I know, I just...I need to...keep my eyes open. Just for a little while." I said, and Jeff hesitated for a moment.
"Does this have anything to do with that Caleb boy?" I didn't answer right away, and he said, "Awww, Donnie, how'd you relapse so fast? I thought you were DONE with all this dreamweaving stuff?"
"I AM! I don't wanna do it anymore, but..." It sounded crazy for me to even think it, much less say it out loud. "...I don't think this is just a dream anymore, Jeff. It won't stop. It just keeps going. Every time I close my eyes, Caleb's right there waiting for me. And today..." Another insane rambling ready to be told. "...Jeff, today he came for me at school. While I was wide awake."
I could hear Jeff sit up in his bed, and while he sounded concerned, I could tell from his almost condescending sigh that he wasn't about to humor me on this one. "Donnie...you know you're my best friend, right? I mean, I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't care about you..."
"Jeff..."
"No. Listen to me, Donnie, ok? You're making this all up. Do you understand me? NONE of this is happening to you in real life. It's a DREAM. We've been through this already, and I thought you were getting better. Instead you seem to be getting worse, and no offense dude...but it's creeping me out. You've got to stop fantasizing about this boy and get him out of your head once and for all."
"I CAN'T, Jeff! He won't let me go."
"Won't let you go? Do you have any idea how freakin' crazy that sounds?" He said, and he sighed again. "Look...I'm not even supposed to tell you this, but...I talked to Chucky and he thinks you should maybe...'talk' to somebody. Like...maybe the school counselor or something."
"Dammit, I don't need to TALK to anybody. That's NOT the kind of help, I need. I need Chucky to look in his books and tell me what Caleb is and how to face him on his own turf. I need him to tell me how to fight back when he..."
"He's not gonna do that, Donnie." Jeff said. "We all...sighhh...we all 'decided', ok?"
"Decided? Decided on what?"
"We decided that we're not gonna help you 'feed' this obsession anymore. It's time that you let it go. We're all worried about you. April is actually pretty HURT right now because she thinks she made it worse by giving you those pictures of him in the first place. We're trying to look out for you...but this is a bit too weird for us to know what's bugging you. Just...please, Donnie...find a way to understand..."
"I understand. I understand, just fine. None of you believe me." I said, a feeling of utter loneliness closing in on me from all sides. I felt almost...betrayed. By ALL of them.
"We thought you were going to just get bored with this 'phase' of yours and move on. You TOLD us that it was all just a dream..."
"I WANTED it to be a dream, but it's NOT! He's REAL, Jeff! And he's haunting me! He knows how to get to me, no matter where I am or who I'm with!" I said out loud, and my mom knocked lightly on my bedroom door.
"Are you alright in here, honey?" She asked, peeking her head in.
"I'm fine, Mom. Jeff was just watching a movie on TV, that's all." I replied.
"Well...go to bed. Ok? It's late." She walked in, came over to the bed, and kissed my forehead. "I mean it. Alright? Tell Jeff goodnight."
"Sighhh..." I put the phone back to my ear. "Look, I'll just...I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?" "Yeah. No prob." Jeff said, the worry still evident in his tone of voice. "Just...get some sleep, ok? And try not to think about him. He'll go away, you just have to stop letting this get to you. The more you think about him, the more you invite him to come back."
"Right." I said. My mom was hovering right over me with her arms folded, waiting for me to finish so she could take the phone from me. "Sighhhh...later." I hung up the phone and handed it to her before getting into bed, glad that the cup of coffee I made was just out of her sight. I could only hope that she didn't smell the aroma in the air. Then, when she was satisfied, she turned out my bedroom light and shut the door. Leaving me to take small sips of my coffee in the dark, until I was sure that both of my parents had gone to sleep for the night. Lucky for me, they're both usually early birds.
The caffeine helped to work for a little while...but not as long as I had hoped. I had to be quiet so my mother didn't hear me moving around. And since EVERYTHING makes noise at this time of night...it didn't leave much for me to do except read and listen to music through my headphones. The minutes ticked by slowly. Ever so slowly. And it wasn't long before the inevitable caffeine crash took effect, depleting what was left of my false energy. I thought to get up and make another cup of coffee...but I doubted that I could get away with it a second time.
I tried. God knows I tried. But as my mind started to wander, and my blinks began to get longer and longer, my breathing slowing down to such a soothing and comfortable pace...I had to finally give in, and submit to Caleb's call. I had to surrender, and let a sweet, peaceful, slumber move in to overwhelm my tired mind.
The dream seemed to pull me in the moment I shut my eyes. There was no stopping it. No struggling against it. Caleb had been impatiently waiting for me to succumb to the beauty of sleep since I had first opened my eyes this morning. He kept a tight leash on me, and yanked on it whenever he could find the strength to do so. This was no longer an ordinary 'movie of the subconscious'. The longer he and I were involved...the stronger he became. The weaker I became. I was quickly losing control, while he was constantly gaining his. And we were rapidly moving towards a middle ground where neither one of us knew night from day, light from darkness, love from lust. To experience it was unlike anything that I have ever known. Somehow we were fusing into one entity. I could feel it happening. Almost like a 'possession' of sorts...as we both got closer and closer to one another's boundaries of reality.
Looking around me, standing out in my front yard, it wasn't hard to tell that I was in a dream this time. The lines in the siding of my house were warped and wavy. The sidewalk was tilted and broken. The air had a slightly stale flavor to it, as if it had been raining for a week straight, only now returning to the sunlit sky above. I took notice of my surroundings for a few moments, and then began to look for Caleb. His influence was definitely there, so he couldn't be far away. All of these details were not my own. They weren't from my life. He had been changing them. Tweaking them ever so gently to match his own vision of reality. I could see it everywhere. He had somehow infected my subconscious mind to the point where he actually had some mastery of the world in which he existed. A world that no longer belonged to me.
How long would it be...before we stopped 'sharing' this reality...and it became all his?
"Donnie. Wow...I missed you soooo much today." I turned to see Caleb sitting on the lawn, is back leaning up against the big tree in my front yard, a warm and welcoming smile on his face. "I was calling you, like, forever...but you didn't come back to see me. What took you so long?"
A bit frightened, but determined to find out what I could, I walked over to confront him. "You can't keep doing this, you know? You can't just keep me in here."
"Well, SURE I can. Hehehe, I haven't quite figured out how yet...but I'm working on it." He said, standing up to see me eye to eye. "You're gonna have sooo much fun in here with me. You'll like it, I promise. I can teach you stuff. You can teach me stuff too."
He moved in to kiss me, but I backed away from it. "Don't."
"What's the matter? I thought you liked kissing." He grinned. His shoulders drooped a little bit. "You're getting yourself all confused again, aren't you? You LOVE me, remember? You told me so." I don't know where the thought came from exactly, but somehow, an image of Austin was triggered by Caleb's comment. I looked at him across the street, his bright blond curls shining in the sunlight as he gave me a seductive smile. When Caleb looked behind him and caught sight of the image, he was NOT happy. A flash of jealousy crossed his face, and with a wave of his hand, the vision of Austin was wiped clean from the dream. Scattered...like ashes in a high wind. Caleb returned his baby blue eyes to meet mine, and his flirtatious smile spread out across his pink lips once again. As though it never happened. "You're so naughty. I can't take my eyes off of you for a minute, can I? Hehehe!"
I attempted to walk away from him. Wondering if the act of ignoring his presence would somehow put him back in his place like it did the first time. But as I walked past him and out into the street, I saw something horrific at the end of the block. In the distance...was a large cross, and Jesse McCartney had been nailed to it. Bleeding...tortured. My breath got caught in my throat, but I tried not to let Caleb know what I was thinking.
"What did you do?" I asked, looking away from the body.
"What?" He asked, joining me in the street. "Oh, that? I was just...having some fun while you were away."
I kept myself standing, even with the frozen chill running down over my shoulders. "This is how you have fun?"
"Well you didn't leave me anybody to play with. I had to do something." He said, and I felt him take a hold of my hand. It was then that I saw my teacher, Mr. Lipton, asleep on a bed that was floating just a few feet off of the ground in the distance. Hovering there, ever so slightly. And then...I saw another boy. One that didn't recognize.
"Who is that?" I asked, gently trying to pull my hand away from his.
Caleb looked at the other boy, who had been severed into many different pieces and scattered all over the block. "Someone who needs to learn how to treat people's feelings better." Caleb said with a slight pout. "When you make a promise to somebody...you keep it. You don't say that you love somebody and then just 'change your mind'. You don't just forget about them and run off so you never have to speak to them again."
Again, I tried to gently pull my hand back from Caleb's feather light grasp, but when he felt my fingers starting to slip free, he clutched onto me tightly and a distant rumble of thunder rolled through the air above me. He snapped his head in my direction, frustrated at first, but apparently trying to keep his emotions under control.
"We don't need to talk about him." He said. "I've got you now, Donnie." He smiled, and leaned in to kiss me again. However...this time, when I tried to avoid his kiss...I couldn't. I can't explain why, but somehow...my 'body' was being forced to give itself over to the power of the dream. Making me more of a spectator, instead of a willing participant. As Caleb held on to my wrist, I felt my consciousness slipping, and I felt myself being devoured whole by the twisted logic of the fantasy. Caleb's soft lips touched mine, and he held them there for a few moments as his influence on the dream got even more powerful. I found myself giving in more and more, falling victim to my false emotions. It was like....he was CONTROLLING me! Then he broke the kiss and stared deeply into my eyes with a bashful grin. "You see? It's not so bad, is it? You don't have to be afraid of me, Donnie. All I wanna do is make you happy. Soooo very happy."
I fought to regain consciousness. To walk, talk, and act, on my own again. But I couldn't break free of the spell. I just kept falling deeper into it. I felt a smile curl up on my lips, and leaned forward to kiss him back. This time with more passion. Inside my spirit was screaming! Clawing to get out and put a stop to this sickness! But it was a dream without control. A dream without being fully awake. And it forced me to simply go along with its game plan.
Our tongues slid against one another, and I snaked my hands around his slim waist to pull his crotch lustfully against mine. How is he doing this? Why can't I stop?
I used every last bit of energy that I had to fight for my own focus. And then...just as I began to regain some of my self control...I felt Caleb's body turn cold in my arms. His skin became icy and lifeless. Stiff. Dead. The more I pierced through the power of his control...the more it revealed a boy that was more 'corpse' than teenager. It almost frightened me back into hiding under the blanket of his dream manipulation. But...with a bit more effort, I was able to pull back, and step away from his kiss.
A first glance, his eyes looked dull and bluish white...his skin colorless and void of life. But within seconds, before my very eyes, I saw his essence return to him. His blond hair regaining its shine, his skin becoming full and soft and warm again. He tilted his head to the side slightly and smiled. "Now what's the matter?" He giggled. "I thought we were enjoying ourselves."
Almost unable to speak, I attempted to keep my distance from him. Feeling that pull still dominating my every thought. Even though I was already asleep even though I was already dreaming...he still drained me for more. Wanting a complete 'monopoly' of me in every possible way.
"Ohhh, I get it. You still think this is a game." Caleb said, his smile taking on a certain mischievous tilt to it. "You're the one that found me, you know? You opened the door. You invited me in, Donnie."
"No. No you...you came in all on your own. You forced me."
"What makes you so sure? Hmmm?" He said. "I mean...what makes you think that this is all just a dream?"
"It IS just a dream. You're not real. I'm not gonna let you trick me into think you're more than just a figment of my imagination..."
"Really? Well, let me ask you something, Donnie..." Caleb moved closer to me, and I found my feet unable to move as he whispered in my ear, "...What made you think you had any control in here in the first place?" He leaned back and smiled, running his fingers through my hair as he took pleasure in watching me sink further into his manipulation. "Did you ever stop to think, Donnie...that maybe, just maybe...YOUR the dream, and I'M the dreamer?"
I felt my hands being mentally locked down to my sides as he took complete control. With a trembling voice, I asked him, "What...what are you talking about?"
"I'm just saying...maybe you're the one who's not real. I mean, think about it...you're young, you're extremely cute...you come out of the closet with little to no trouble whatsoever. You've got two understanding parents, a collection of understanding friends, including a confidant that you can tell all of your deepest, darkest, secrets to. Someone to share your feelings with. You get good grades. You're surrounded by sexy boys all day long. You've got sweet little 'Austin', who just happened to be the new boy in town, AND he just happens to like you, AND he wants to go with you to the biggest Halloween party in school this weekend. You're popular. You're funny. You're witty. Hehehe, I mean...let me know when you want me to stop, Donnie." He said. "You're everything that I've ever wanted to be. Everything I've ever dreamed of. Be honest. Between your life and mine...which one seems more like 'reality'? The perfect life of a well adjusted gay teen in suburbia? Or a disturbed youngster, trying to find an escape through his fantasies here in 'dream land'? Hmmmm...I wonder."
The feeling was like having my spirit separate itself from my body. My mind suddenly went to sleep, and Caleb simply took over control of everything. There was no resisting him. Not any more.
"Scary isn't it? To think that your whole existence might just be somebody else's fantastic little head game?" Caleb grinned. "I mean...that's what you want 'me' to believe, am I right?" He stepped closer to me, and as his hand brushed my cheek...I felt myself smile from his touch. "You see, I'm not really certain what happened...the last time I closed my eyes..." I felt a cool wind sweep up around us for a moment, and heard another short rumble of thunder. "...But the longer I dream about you...the longer you dream about me...the more I'm starting to realize that one of us doesn't belong here. In fact, at SOME point...maybe today...maybe tomorrow...ONE of us is going to wake up. And the other? They're simply going to fade away.....forever." He stared into my eyes, and reached out a hand. Without being able to pull back, my hand was forced forward to land on his waist. "I don't know, Donnie. I'm feeling pretty real right now, myself. How bout you?"
My mind was gone. Lost in a haze of confusion. My inner thoughts were no longer relevant. I became his puppet, body and soul. An instrument that he could bend to his will, any way he wanted to. And once I disappeared into the abyss, I was barely an observer in watching him approach me...love in his sparkling blue eyes.
The birth of his kiss created such an undeniable excitement in me. Even through the fog of fear and loss of control, I found myself sinking in to the cushioned pleasure of his soft, lush, teenage lips. His small pink tongue reached out for mine, and I reciprocated without any hesitation whatsoever. It was as if I had become a part of his invention instead of him being a part of mine. Our roles, at last, fully reversed.
And I think he was slowly learning how to make sure it stayed that way.
The strangest sensation was the feeling that he was somehow injecting himself into my thoughts. Through this kiss alone, it felt as though my memories were being...reshuffled. Rearranged. Redesigned to hold images and experiences with him that never actually took place between us. An entire history of sensual afternoons and playful kisses. Memories that never existed before that moment, and yet I could feel the emotion from them just the same. It was as if he were 'building' my love for him through a fabricated history of his own...and I couldn't help but return the feelings he had for me. I held him tightly, my hardness swelling, becoming thirsty for more of his flavor. You have no idea what it's like, to actually FEEL love growing inside you in an instant. To have it consume you from the inside out. And to know that there's nothing you can do to stop it.
So helpless. So helpless.
My heart was full, my breath...short. Why did he say that? Why? I'm the real one. He's the dream. I'm the REAL one! HE'S the dream!
A trick. It was a TRICK! I know who I am! I know I'm real!
But despite my conflicts, I felt my hands wrap themselves lovingly around his hips...pulling him close to me as our lips increased their passionate suction. Mmmm...the very taste of him was like magic. Like fresh candied peaches. His scent was as erotic as any that I've ever experienced. To simply inhale his enchanting aroma...my God...I had to close my eyes and try to keep from trembling in his arms. Allowing my body absorb the true sensation of love and lust that I had for him. I don't know how he did it, but Caleb managed to tap into the most private, most intimate pieces of my sexual fantasies...and he brought them to life. He SHOWED them to me. He made me FEEL them, experience them, engage in the sensation of being totally vulnerable to the promise of his sex.
There was a part of me that continued to scream for release. A part of me that was terrified at the idea of being so powerless against his charms. But my mind began to change over even more to fit the logic of the dream instead of my own. My senses just wouldn't listen. An emotional, spiritual, 'rape' of my subconscious...
...One that I accepted with a passion that I was unable to resist...
As more of my free will evaporated like wisps of smoke, I felt myself being laid back on the front lawn. So gently. So tenderly. And the grass didn't feel like 'grass' at all. The ground didn't feel like 'ground'. The cushion beneath me was like sinking into a soft mattress, the sheets cooled by an Autumn wind. And I inhaled deeply as I felt Caleb's feather light weight press down on top of me. I sank sooooo deeply into the fantasy that struggling to get away became a silly act of pointless defiance. I liked it. God help me...I loved it! But the question is....was it really 'me'?
I felt clothes being removed in strips, flesh on flesh contact. Caleb's skin was like silk against me. The only friction I felt from having him on top of me were the duo of pink erect nipples, lightly tracing the surface of my chest as he rolled his hips into me. I reached around to lovingly squeeze and hold the soft ripe mounds of his ass, my feet touching the ground to raise my knees up, opening wide to accept his slender body in between. Our kissing became a hungry game of dominance, both of us searching to be the one in control. We met at a standstill, and only the seduction of the flesh remained. Combining both worlds together, locking them in an embrace that left us both breathless with desire.
More clothes were removed. And now we had nothing left on us. Nothing at all. Our legs tangled around one another, our arms holding on. Trying to force us into one solid entity. God...the taste of his lips made me feel heavy in the chest. My will had never been so weak. So corrupted. But I couldn't help but crave more of his lustful touches. With the memories he inserted into my mind, it felt as though we had been in love for years. As though we had spent so much time together. An illusion that I couldn't shake free from. An illusion that made me hunger even more for his sex. And it was then that, Caleb lifted up on his hands slightly, blond hair curtaining the sides of his smile as he looked down on me. "Mmmmm....tell me, Donnie. Tell me you love me."
My hands roughly gripped the marshmallow soft cheeks behind him as our hips ground together lewdly. "Sighhh...I love you, Caleb." The words were so automatic. So genuine. I doubt I would have had time to filter them out if I tried.
"Oh baby, say it again..." He whimpered, pushing his hips into me, making me shudder with delight. My hardness sliding up the impossibly smooth skin of his inner thigh, my leaking tip bumping the side of his balls where his legs connected.
"I LOVE you, Caleb!" I said, and leaned up to kiss and lick at his bare neck as my emotions went wild. Our lips met again, and we drove ourselves into a frenzy that neither one of us could stop.
Our only pause came when Caleb turned himself around on top of me. Both of us aching for release, I became anxious to taste him. I watch as one of his thin legs went over my head, and I saw the hard pulsing meat above my lips. I moaned out loud, my hands running up and down his sides slowly, as Caleb 'cat-stretched' himself out above me, and I felt him sink my quivering inches into his warm, wet, sucking, mouth. My whole body tightened up with a gasp as he swallowed me down, his slithering tongue making me wiggle as his sweet lips sealed me in an airtight vacuum. It was more than sex. It was like a bonding of spirits. A full blown possession.
With both of my legs trembling with pleasure, I ran my hands back up Caleb's slender sides, and rested them on the smooth, bubbled surface of his creamy cheeks. Not even a light dusting of blond peach fuzz on the pale white globes. Just soft, warm, skin...and a tight virgin rosebud, still pink in color. I pulled him down towards my waiting lips, and he had to spread his knees wider in order to oblige me, working to keep his balance. I saw gravity pulling a single thick droplet of clear liquid from his pulsating tip towards my lips, the knob's rose colored glow highlighting the sticky fluid as I lapped it up with my tongue. And then I allowed him to submerge every delicious inch of himself into my face, until his soft sack rested comfortably on my nose and upper lip. I inhaled deeply, working my mouth on him as I felt the muscles in those sleek thighs shake with an almost frightening level of sensual pleasure. I felt his thighs surrounding my face, and would occasionally turn to the side to rub my nose against them. Like a child rubbing his nose while sucking his thumb. It brought me to heights of passion that I had never experienced. Asleep or awake.
An increase in my suction equaled an increase of his own. Both of us squirming to hold out for as long as our young bodies would allow. Both of us lost in the moment. Caleb's soft whimpers and whines were music to my ears as the sensitive length of his shaft passed itself over my taste buds in a slow and erotic grind. I was able to find a moment of control, and rolled him over until he was on the bottom. Neither one of our sucking lips lost contact. Now, with him beneath me, I took a more aggressive roll and began to slide my head up and down on his hardness, gripping his thighs with both hands as I pushed my hips into the soft confines of his mouth. Another shift of control, and Caleb rolled us back over again, and I used the grip on his supple cheeks to pull him as far into my throat as I could manage. Caleb began to whine in desperation, and that subtle submission to my actions got me another moment of control. Again and again, Caleb and I rolled one another over, taking as much from each other as we could. The roles kept changing. Reversing. One on top, one on the bottom. One in control, one out of control. Until finally, my throbbing tip was ready to burst. His lips caressed my shaft with such a perverse level of passion, that I couldn't hold back any longer. I began to whimper myself, each sound getting higher in pitch as my body tensed up and Caleb worked hard to bring me to a crashing climax.
Just seconds before I exploded, I felt Caleb's mouthwatering hardness swell and expand...tightening itself almost into a curve in my mouth, and he burst forth with a rewarding splash of hot fluids that sprayed across my tongue while I milked all I could from him. It was his explosion that set my own orgasm into effect, and I gobbled his semen down hungrily as I began to empty myself into his heated lips. His tongue wrapped itself around me, tasting the flavor, his throat contracting as he swallowed it down. My God...it was so intense that we could only purr and suckle at one another for the next few minutes, our bodies trying to come down from the ultimate high. A high like no other.
Then...
Silence.
We slowly disconnected from one another, and waited for our minds to return to us individually.
I closed my eyes, wondering what I had done. Wondering if it had all been under Caleb's control...or if I had given in to my own fantasy at one point, enjoying the pleasure on my own. It was then that Caleb crawled up to me and kissed me sweetly on the lips, laying his head on my chest as he lovingly clung, naked, to my side.
"Don't ever leave me, Donnie." He said, with an afterglow that nearly blinded me. I don't know how long I stayed there, arm in arm with him. Dream time was such a difficult concept to figure out sometimes. But I remember looking down that block, and seeing Mr. Lipton still laying in that bed, sound asleep, hovering in mid air. Caleb knew what I was looking at. And he said, "Do you think your teacher's gay? I'll bet he is. Did you show him my picture?"
I looked down at Caleb, who met me with those beautiful eyes blazing. "Your picture?"
"He saw it didn't he? Good." He said, resting his head back on my chest again. "Good."
"Caleb...what do you..."
"He doesn't like you much, does he? He's so mean to you. I hate it." He pouted.
"What are you thinking about doing?" I asked him.
"I dunno yet. I've had him in here a long time now." He gently gave me a kiss on the cheek. And just as I felt the dream slipping away, allowing me to return back to a waking reality...he said, "Don't worry, Donnie. I'm gonna take care of you. Just like you're taking care of me. It's all for you."
And then...I opened my eyes again.
| Chapters: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
