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I've always had a difficult time trying to figure out exactly what I am. Am I gay, straight, bi, a pedophile, what? It took me many years to realize that I'm somehow all of the above. Many people would say that I'm confused, and I was...but not anymore. The love and affection that I feel for teen boys between the ages of 12 and 16 is completely different from the love I feel for a guy my own age. And that love is completely different from the love I feel for a woman. Let's just say that I've got a lot of love to give!
Many of you probably cringed when I used the "P" word in the last paragraph, but a pedophile is what I am. As far as "Boylove" is concerned, and no offense to you boylovers out there, but I'm not buying it. What I feel for teen males is a PHYSICAL attraction. When I see that cute blond guy in the mall, at the arcade, or in the street...it is sex that crosses my mind. Does that make me a bad person? No. But I would never say that I'm attracted to a boy because of his feelings or his healthy development into adulthood. I would never harm and teenager or try to get him to do something he doesn't want to, but if given the offer for a sexual encounter...I'd take it in a heartbeat!
However, as much as I would love to have the experience of having a young lover, I would probably NEVER take the chance, knowing that I could do jail time for it. I have never slept with a minor (since I was a minor myself). I don't see the temporary pleasure being worth the risk. Fortunately for me, I've been blessed with two great people in my life to love (even if it is only in secret). One being my best friend in the whole world and the other a very good friend that I work with. My best friend is the same age as I am, but looks fifteen! The other guy doesn't look a day over twelve! I kid you not. So I have the best of both worlds, the teeny bopper and the somewhat acceptable gay relationship. I've been really lucky!
I am bisexual however, and I do plan to get married and have kids one day. Kids that I'll probably worry about non-stop and try to protect from people like me. It's just a matter of finding the right person to spend the rest of my life with. I don't mean to brag, but sometimes it's nice to play on the less frustrating side of the sexual playground every once in a while. Gay love is a hassel in itself most of the time, and love for teenagers....well that's a whole other story! But I've always had genuine feelings for women growing up and even more so now. Some days I wish I could pick a sex and stay with it, but my mind, my heart, and my body don't always cooperate.
I know that this section has been dragging on so I'll bring this little preachy section to an end. I just want to say that we can all live happily ever after if we take time to know ourselves. "You reality is just a reflection of the hopes on your mind" - Shai. Take care, enjoy the stories, sign the guestbook, and come back often! I'm releasing a lot of sexual tension on these pages, so expect updates often! :+)
-- Comicality
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